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| Posted by Adam speeden on 10-Aug-2005 | 1 pint of GuinnessTwo Irish tram managers promised their players a 1 pint of Guinness for every
goal they scored during an important match. The final score was 119-98.
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():sport jokes (950): Top Ten Signs You're Not Watching A Real Baseball |
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| Posted by Tara Foley on 10-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Signs You're Not Watching A Real Baseball10. You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes
earlier.
9. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip.
8. They keep shouting "Do over!"
7. When umpire yells, "Strike 3!" batter looks at him as if the dude's
speaking French.
6. Try as they might, they just can't scratch themselves like professionals.
5. First base: Siskel. Second base: Ebert.
4. Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts "Dinner
time!"
3. Players constantly adjusting each other's cups.
2. You overheard the coach yelling, "Run, Forrest, run!"
1. They play like the Mets.
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():sport jokes (950): The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site |
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| Posted by StrikerSixer76 on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool.
8. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor's office are named Ingrid or Sven.
7. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell.
6. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn't think the term "New York City Hospitality Committee" is an oxymoron.
5. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches.
4. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: "My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition."
3. "Miss Salt Lake" for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech.
2. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and Knuckles.
1. The IOC suddenly decides to change the official cycling uniforms to white shirts and ties.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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| Posted by Alex Feterman on 14-Aug-2005 | Overheard at the bridge table"Lay down and let's see what you've got."
"I've got strength but no length."
"Take your hand off my trick!"
"You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise."
"Now it's time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine."
"I have to protect my honour now."
"Well, I guess we'll go home now. This is the last rubber."
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| Posted by henry on 14-Aug-2005 | Gotcha...Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members.
"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"
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| Posted by goin' wild on 14-Aug-2005 | Hurt Golfer2 women were playing golf. On the third hole there was a 4 men in front of them but about 175 yards down the fairway. The first woman said i'll tee off he is far enough away. She hit the drive of her life, like a shot straight down the faraway. She screamed fore at the top of her lungs and as the men turned one was hit solidly.
He was rolling on the ground in pain with his hands between his legs. She ran to him, apologizing and saying "let me help I am a physical therapist."
He protested but she got him to put his hands at his side. She unzipped his pants and began massaging him. "How does that feel?" she asked.
He said, "Great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
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