|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Jessica R. Gardner on 11-Aug-2005 | 10 Signs You are an Internet GeekWhen filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.
You no longer ask a prospective date what her sign is. Instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"
Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
You're amazed to find out Spam is a food.
You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.
You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.
You introduce your wife as "my lady@home.wife" and refer to your children as "client applications."
At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server."
After winning the office Super Bowl, pool you blurt out, "I feel so Colon-Right-Parenthesis!"
Two words: "Pizza's here
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Kyrstin Underbakke on 11-Aug-2005 | SandwichesOk well a guy whos still in college still shares his room with his little brother. He has the top bunk and his brother has the bottom. One day him and his girlfriend come home and they go to the top bunk and you know things start heating up. Then he remembers about his little brother so he says to his girlfriend "if you want it harder say tomato and if you want a different position say lettuce". so then LETTUCE! TOMATO! LETTUCE! etc... Then his little brother wakes up and says "Hey quit making sandwiches your two, your getting mayonase all over me!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Kevin J. Hall on 11-Aug-2005 | Bus TranceThere was a young lady from France
Who got on a bus in a trance
Everyone fucked her
Apart from the Conductor
But he came twice in his pants
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Amanda E. Brooke on 11-Aug-2005 | USC commencementDuring USC's commencement, the President was giving his usual address to the graduating class. While he was giving his address, some people in the back began to chant, "Graduate Bubba, graduate Bubba." After a few minutes, the chant grew so loud that the President could no longer continue with his address. He says, "Alright, I give up. Bubba, come on up here." This really huge offensive lineman comes up on stage. The President asks, "Are you Bubba?" Bubba replies quietly, "Yes sir."
"How long have you been here at USC Bubba?"
"Six years sir."
"Six years and you still haven't graduated?"
"No sir."
"Alright Bubba, I'll tell you what. If you can answer one question correctly, I'll graduate you right here on the spot. Is that fair?"
Bubba once again says in his quiet voice, "Yes sir." So the President then asks him, "Ok Bubba, what's nine times nine?" Bubba quickly gets to work, counting on his fingers and anything else he finds. After nearly five minutes of counting and recounting Bubba finally says, "I got it." The President then asks, "So Bubba, what's nine times nine?" "Eighty-one," replies Bubba. The crowd, in a unanimous roar, begins to chant, "GIVE BUBBA ANOTHER CHANCE, GIVE BUBBA ANOTHER CHANCE."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Rachel S. Weissman on 11-Aug-2005 | Class PictureA class teacher was trying to persuade her class to buy the class picture. The teacher said,"Won't it be nice to look at the picture and think; hey there's Jennifer, she a teacher or hey there Justin he's a doctor." A crackster at the back said,"Hey there's teacher she's dead!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Cassie Hart on 11-Aug-2005 | 10 Things to do with AOL disks[For the occasional hermit out there without a mail drop, America Online has been distributing "10 Hours Free" disks like crazy. They come with magazines, they come by themselves, they are attached to trade journals etc. I have about ten of them now. I have never expressed an interest in AOL but these disks keep mounting up.]
Collect two solar masses worth and detonate the sun.
Activate each account with a different cartoon character name like Bullwinkle, Barney Rubble, Tasmanian Devil, etc. See if you run out of names before you run out of disks.
Activate the disks one at a time. For each disk you activate, download enough files to fill up the reformatted activation disk. Don't stop until you have downloaded all data AOL has to offer. Use remaining unactivated disks for backup of downloaded data.
Get 1000 people to all activate all of their disks at the same time. Monitor trade journals to see which disk storage manufacturer gets AOL's order for new multi-terabyte drive to hold subscriber data base.
Tile your bathroom with your collection. Submit picture of bathroom to GQ (Geek Quarterly) magazine.
Donate disks to charity. Tell IRS that each disk contains $10 worth of software. Use resulting deductions to buy Lichtenstein.
Call the FBI and tell them that these disks are made from refined uranium and homes across the country will begin exploding as soon as they reach critical mass.
Activate all of your disk simultaneously using different ID's. Making effective use of mail forwarding and distribution lists, bring AOL to a screeching halt by creating, sending, forwarding and reforwarding the following message among the various accounts: "Stop sending these f*****g disks."
Erase all disks, put new labels on them and resell them as new. Retire at age 43.
Start pyramid scheme with chain letter that tells recipient to mail 1 disk to each of the five people listed in the letter and to send the letter to five more people.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
