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| Posted by Paul J. Targonski on 10-Aug-2005 | $1000 bet.The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that
they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and
hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out
would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, truck drivers, etc.) but
nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing
thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I??™d like
to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and
squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little
man.
But the crowd??™s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist
around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man
"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
The man replied "I work for the IRS."
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| Posted by Nymph on 10-Aug-2005 | An infamous studAn infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood
bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him
if anything was wrong.
"I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some pissed-off husband wrote
to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop doing his wife."
"So stop!" the barkeep said.
"I can't," the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. "The jerk didn't sign
his name!"
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| Posted by Crusher on 10-Aug-2005 | Driver in a BarThere's this guy on a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink
from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just
joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep,
and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the
building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they say they can do
nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my
wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.
I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I
leave home, and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end
to my life, you show up and drink my poison . . ."
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| Posted by Aardvark on 10-Aug-2005 | An anguish man in barA man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers
up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender
for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has
already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this
bar, and could a cab be called for him?
The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off
the bar stool and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He
wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.
The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses
service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The
drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out
the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the
bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently
orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that
he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police
will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries
"MAIN! How many bars do you work at?
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():bar jokes (2610): A Mexican, Polack, black, Italian, a priest, a rab |
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| Posted by bugzaboo on 10-Aug-2005 | A Mexican, Polack, black, Italian, a priest, a rabA Mexican, Polack, black, Italian, a priest, a rabbi and a nun walk into a
bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
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| Posted by X-SID on 10-Aug-2005 | Bar tender and a manA guy goes to a bar and sees a big jar of 5-dollar bills in it. He asks the
bartender "Whets with the money?" the bartender replies "we're having a contest.
You have to put in 5 dollars in the jar. then you have to complete 3 tasks. If
you pass, you get all the money in the jar" "ah what the hell. lets give it a
try." says the man, and puts the five dollars in the jar.
"first" says the bartender, "you have to drink a large glass of tequila
without making a face. second, there is a vicious rottweiler outside with a sore
tooth. you have to pull out the sore tooth. third, upstairs there is an old
woman who has never had sex in her life. you have to have sex with her. ok?"
"fine" says the man. the bartender gives him the glass of tequila. the man
drinks the whole thing without making a face. Now drunk, he goes outside. the
bartender hears lots of
yelling and barking. when the man comes back, he is all shredded up. he asks
"ok, whereas the woman with the sore tooth?"
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