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| Posted by Danny Landau on 09-Aug-2005 | 15 Signs You Drank T15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping ??” with your Oldsmobile. 14 - Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles. 13 - Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday. 12 - Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli. 11 - For some reason, there's salt on the rim of your basketball goal. 10 - Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea's pancakes. 9 - For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the automobile. 8 - You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam. 7 - Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer. 6 - Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle. 5 - Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's Vomit Man!" 4 - The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants. 3 - Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions. 2 - Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat. 1 - You're now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.
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| Posted by Robert L. Blake on 09-Aug-2005 | A Horse Walks Into aA horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
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| Posted by Chris J. Coyle on 09-Aug-2005 | Susie's LegsOne day a cop was walking along in the ghetto. He came upon a guy sitting on the curb and thinking. He went up to the guy.
"What are you doing," the cop asks."
I'm just thinking about starting a bar right over there,but I can't think of a name for the place," the man replied."
If you can come up with a name for me I'll give you a free drink,"the guy said. The cop likes this idea, so the first thing he thinks of he tells the man."
How about Susie," the cop suggests.
"Susie, I like it. Come back tomorrow for you're drink," said the man.
The cop returns to the ghetto the next day. The guy is sitting on the curb again."
What about Susie?"
the cop asked."
The man answered," I thought about it and I decided I didn't like it.I'll give you two drinks if you come up with a better name" The cop thought for a moment and said" Susie's Legs" The man agreed and told the cop to come back tomorrow for his free drinks.
The next day the cop returns, and sure enough the bar is there, but it doesn't open for another 10 minutes. He waits in his car. A young teen asks the cop what he was doing just sitting in his car. the cop replies," I'm waiting for Susie's Legs to open so I can get my free drinks."
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| Posted by lu v. buggy on 10-Aug-2005 | Pay the PriceA man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars."
The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.
"Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."
The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again.
"What's going on here?" the man asks.
Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
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| Posted by jennifer on 10-Aug-2005 | Making a confessionA drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional,
and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says
nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to
get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knocking,' pal.
There's no paper."
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():bar jokes (2610): This guy walks into a small town bar... |
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| Posted by jack ill on 11-Aug-2005 | This guy walks into a small town bar...This guy walks into a small town bar and orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender delivers his drink and shouts out to the bar patrons ''46!!'' Everyone starts to laugh- Again he shouts out ''39!!'' Now the patrons are getting even louder in laughing- Lastly, he shouts ''14!!'' Now, people are wiping tears from their eyes from all the laughing.
The visitor is curious, so he asks the bartender ''What is going on?''
The bartender says ''This is a small town, with small impressionable children, and so we had decided to put numbers to our naughty jokes rather than tell them in full''
The visitor is astounded ''Let me try!!'' he says- So he shouts ''46!!'' Nothing happens ''39!!'' Still nothing. ''14!!'' and yet still not a sound from the patrons.
The visitor says to the bartender ''I don't understand. I used exactly the same numbers you did and got a completely opposite response.
The bartender replied, ''Well, some folks can tell a joke....... and some folks can't''
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