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| Posted by C C on 11-Aug-2005 | 20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters:1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
8. When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and runaround the house, screaming until they go away.
10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.
19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.
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():holiday jokes (333): The Top 15 Signs Santa's Elves Are Suffering From Career Burn-Out (Part II) |
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| Posted by Peter B. Wilson on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Signs Santa's Elves Are Suffering From Career Burn-Out (Part II)
15> There's a two-month waiting list for Santa voodoo dolls at the North Pole employee gift shop.
14> All of this year's rocking horses are sporting a fifth "leg."
13> They punch out Santa's lights before he even gets to the second "ho."
12> Come Christmas morning, more than one unlucky tyke will be unwrapping a container of brown, smelly Play-Doh.
11> All the "Sorry!" games have been repackaged as "In Your Face, Loser!" games.
10> Rather than taking the time to master the latest technological advances, they simply pack every PlayStation 2 box with a Hustler and a jar of Vaseline.
9> Sewing a teddy bear is hard work. Catching a bear cub at the North Pole is easy. You do the math.
8> Rudolph, elated at finally being invited to join in some reindeer games, instead finds himself confronted by shotgun-toting elves.
7> Several of them were caught on video adding real urine to the "wet baby" dolls.
6> The See 'n Say little Allison received is teaching her that the duck says, "Santa blows," and the cow goes, "Get lost, kid."
5> Santa's elf-prepared road trip CD for Christmas Eve?
Nothin' but "It's a Small World."
4> Five of them pitched a new show to FOX: "Elf Eye for the Fat Guy."
3> Cigarette burns on Barbie's posterior.
2> The only reason they ride the Norelco shavers over the snow these days is to get to a liquor store.
1> This year the kids on the "naughty" list are receiving lumps of koala.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():holiday jokes (333): Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his... |
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():holiday jokes (333): TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN'T |
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| Posted by Cordelia Montgomery-Williams on 11-Aug-2005 | Jewish Santa ClausWhat does the Jewish Santa Claus say?
"Ho ho ho! Any of you kids wanna buy some toys?"
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