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():school humor (1428): 30 Things to do on an exam when you know that you are going to fail it anyway |
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| Posted by Kristen on 13-Aug-2005 | 30 Things to do on an exam when you know that you are going to fail it anyway
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions a loud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking. "Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and runoff.
6. 15 min. into the exam, standup, rip up all the papers in to very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bath robe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Turret's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. standup, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream and walkout triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, any thing you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. Masturbate.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
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12 people have rated this joke: |
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():school humor (1428): The Top 15 Signs You Won't Be Giving a Commencement Speech |
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| Posted by Daniel J. Gatsch on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Signs You Won't Be Giving a Commencement Speech
15> Every time you get close to a microphone, your Ethel Merman compulsion takes over.
14> "That's my monthly Vegas weekend. Can you move the ceremony to Monday?"
13> Even a graduation gown won't hide that ankle bracelet.
12> A great Jedi you may be. A great orator not are you!
11> You are, most unfortunately, too engrossed with unraveling the Chicken of the Sea Paradox to impart your wisdom to appetent youth.
10> "What Would Omarosa Do?" is not a hot topic right now.
9> Working the graveyard shift at the convenience store, you generally don't wake up until late afternoon.
8> You are in the middle of a very important court case. Also, you live with a chimp.
7> You were class valedictorian, only without the "vale" or the "torian."
6> Your crowning achievement is membership in ClubTop5.
5> Not only are you a proud C student, but three years in, you still pronounce it "nook-culer."
4> The only thing you're about to commence is 25-to-life.
3> You can't even look at tassels without waving a folded-up dollar bill in the air.
2> No shirt, no shoes, no speech.
1> Your highest "degree" is an honorary mail-order GED.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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():school humor (1428): You might be a college student if . . . |
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| Posted by E- D on 09-Aug-2005 | You might be a college student if . . .14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't
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():school humor (1428): Fun things to do on the first day of class |
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| Posted by Eissirk on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun things to do on the first day of classThis is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class.
31. Watch the professor through binoculars.
32. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.
33. Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.
34. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
35. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
36. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
37. As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.
38. Claim that you wrote the class text book.
39. Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTER!"
40. Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.
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| Posted by vanessa m. montes on 08-Aug-2005 | Potential RealityA boy came home from school one day. His father asked him how his day was and the boy said, "Well Dad, I looked stupid because I did not know the difference between potential and reality."
His dad says, "Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with our next door neighbor for a million dollars."
He came back with a shocked look on his face and said, "Dad, she said, 'Yes!".
"OK son, now go and ask your sister the same question."
A few minutes later he came back, shocked again. "Dad, she said, 'Yes!' also!"
His dad told him, "There you go."
His son looked at him, puzzled. "Dad I still don't understand."
"Look son, POTENTIALLY we are multi-millionaires, but in REALITY we are dead broke and living with a couple of whores."
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| Posted by William S. McDarmont on 12-Aug-2005 | Jonny GodeeperA teacher asked a boy named Jonny Godeeper to take out his math book,so he asked her to take off her shirt,she said OK.Then she asked him to take out his reading book,so he asked her to take off her pants,she said OK.Then she him to take out his science book,so he asked her to take off her bra,she said OK.Then she asked him to take out his art book,so he asked her to take off her underwere,she said OK.Then she asked him to take out his homework book,so he asked her if he could have sex with her,she said OK.Then the principal walked in and said\"JONNY GODEEPER!\"
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6 people have rated this joke: |
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