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| Posted by ShEnAyNaY WiLLiAmS on 11-Aug-2005 | 5 Stages of DrunkennessStage 1 - SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
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| Posted by Patricia Pezzullo on 11-Aug-2005 | 3 Bad MiceThree mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough they were.
The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times." And with that he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut them up and snort them just for the fun of it."
And with that he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."
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| Posted by brandi l. stefanelli on 11-Aug-2005 | 2 DrummersTwo drummers walk into a bar . . . which is funny 'cause you would think the second one would have seen it coming!!
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| Posted by Lester Jones on 11-Aug-2005 | CelebrationA young man walks up and sits at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots! Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blow job."
"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
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| Posted by Nicole Hawley on 11-Aug-2005 | 7 Shots of Vodka!Man goes to the bar and says "bartender, give me 7 shots of Vodka."
The bartender says "Ok, but pal you are gonna hurt yourself with that." The man says "Just pour them."
The man takes the first shot and the bartender says "Hey, you want to talk about it"? The man says "No!" and drinks the next 2 shots.
The bartender says "Come on and tell me about it I've got a good ear, that's why a lot of people come here for, to tell their troubles."
The man by then has finished the 7 shots and says "Ok, today was my first blowjob." The bartender says "Hey great, have another on the house."
The man says "No, if 7 doesn't get the taste out, nothing will!"
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| Posted by josh d. junod on 11-Aug-2005 | CheeseburgerA cheeseburger walks into a bar, and says "Hey bartender give me a beer".
The bartender says - "I'm sorry we don't serve food here".
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