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| Posted by Suki on 09-Aug-2005 | A BBS Commandment4. Honor thy SysOp.
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| Posted by Cher_94 on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
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| Posted by bruny on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Mafia Valentine's Day Greetings15. My love for you... it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement.
14. I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
13. Lie down with me -- it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
12. I picked up this card from a slim selection But that's all they offer here in witness protection. Love, J. Doe
11. I've waited so long for you to be mine. Now that Sinatra's dead, be *my* Valentine.
10. Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
9. Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass; So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.
8. Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?
7. The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!
6. Hey.
5. Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.
4. Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.
3. Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like.
2. Valentine, Dear, lend me a hand So I won't be a self-made man.
1. When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him goodbye -- that's amore!
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com]
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| Posted by Eminem Isgod on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Punchlines Without Jokes15. ...and Ms. Reno says, "Yeah, and it's DEEP, too!"
14. ...and the film will star Tom Arnold, Pauley Shore, and Quentin Tarantino.
13. "If word gets out, EVERYONE will want an extra pancreas."
12. ...and her husband says, "But they're twins -- if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
11. ...and she says, "So that's what Tiger means by 'getting up and down in two'."
10. ...so Steve Buscemi says, "How much Bosco can you drink, anyway?!"
9. "So's mine, lady -- must be the salt water!"
8. "So the talking duck turns to the guy and says, 'You wanna hear my impression of De Niro?'"
7. ...then the doctor says, "Ok, now it's my turn to cough".
6. Freud -- Because he'd get so excited by the donut that he'd never miss his wallet!
5. "If you can say you're a Kennedy, I can say I'm 18."
4. "Well if I'd known I had a squid in my underwear, I would have ordered the rice pilaf."
3. ...then the second trapper cried, "Sacre bleu! I deed not know she was ze prime ministaire's daughtaire!"
2. The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with HIS.
1. ...then Cathy Lee says, "What do you mean there's no such thing as Tuesday Night Football?!"
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| Posted by Michael Gailling on 14-Aug-2005 | Only in America...Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...
Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...
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| Posted by Murph J. Smith on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 13 Signs You Were Switched at Birth13. You don't look anything like Mary and Joseph.
12. No one else in the family is white, except for Uncle Jacko and his wife.
11. Unlike everyone else in your backwoods, redneck, trailer-park family, it is your ambition to become the President of the United States.
10. No one else in your nomadic tribe seems to share your love of collecting Beanie Babies.
9. The way your dad always says, "Aye, you've a bonney wee Afro, m'lad."
8. You think Kathie Lee's REAL children would have to turn out 200 blouses per hour?
7. Your dad: astronomy professor at M.I.T.
You: Almost starved to death when you got a cue ball stuck in your mouth.
6. Your family celebrates your graduation from high school by butcherin' a hog and tappin' the still.
5. Sober, monogamous, and a Kennedy? Hmmm...
4. Your dad, Mr. Hawking, shows little if any enthusiasm for your burgeoning career as a pro wrestler.
3. You bear an uncanny resemblance to the President of the United States, but hell, so do a lot of kids in Arkansas.
2. Your brothers, Alec, Billy, Daniel and Steven, also work in film, but you're the one who manages a Fotomat.
1. You: All-State linebacker Your father: President of Microsoft
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