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| Posted by tweets on 14-Aug-2005 | A Psychology ExperimentA very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the
bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her
and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a
while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with
you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks
back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She
smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a
graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to
embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
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| Posted by Kaylee R on 14-Aug-2005 | KidsEver notice how a 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adult
voices?
Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm
hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into
my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my
wife, Karen, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned
myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night.
The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it
was OK to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was
expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said
okay.
After my next trip several weeks later, Karen and the children
picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the
plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for
my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting
for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my
son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some
good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What is the good
news?" "The good news is that nobody slept with Mommy while you
were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very
quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then
turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if
they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
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| Posted by David Zielinski on 14-Aug-2005 | Exciting Indian RideAn attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of
Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and
offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few
minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from
the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,
yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station
attendant.
"Nothing," shrugged the woman, " I merely sat behind him on the horse, put
my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall
off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback........"
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| Posted by Anonymous on 14-Aug-2005 | "CAPTAIN BRAVO"********************
Captain Bravo
Such leadership!
Captain Bravo
Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo.
He was a manly man's man who showed no fear in facing his
enemies.
One > > > > day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout
spotted
a pirate ship and
the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me
my red shirt."
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and
while wearing
The bright frock he led his mates into battle and defeated
the pirates.
Later on, the lookout spotted not one, but two pirate ships.
The captain again howled for his red shirt and once again
vanquished the pirates.
That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting
the
day's
triumphs and one of the them asked the captain: "Sir, why
did you
call
for your red shirt before battle?" The captain
replied: "If I am wounded in
the attack, the shirt will not show my blood, and
thus, you men will
continue to resist, unafraid." All of the men sat in
silence and marveled
at the courage of such a man's manly man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout once again
spotted not
one,
not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and
file all stared
in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual
reply.Captain
Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed
against
his
mighty sailing ship and, without fear, turned, and
calmly shouted:
"Get me my brown pants"
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| Posted by Jaz on 14-Aug-2005 | Most EmbarrasingCan It Get More Embarrassing Than This? The following are two of
the top three winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest:
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to
grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance
from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start
behaving *right now*, she would be punished. To my horror, she
looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee pee last night!" "The silence was
deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers
stopped what they were doing! I mustered up the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams
of laughter." Amy Richardson-- Stafford, Virginia
"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at
home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited
my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed
after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I
suggested to my girlfriend that I give a piggyback ride to the
phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have
time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs,
the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,
'SURPRISE!' My entire family - aunts, uncles, Grandparents,
cousins and all my friends were standing there! My girlfriend
and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what
seemed like an eternity. "Since then, no one in my family has
planned a surprise party again." Tim Cahill--Poughkeepsie, New
York
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| Posted by Renzo G. Cafferata on 14-Aug-2005 | Bubba Knows EveryoneThere was a man named Bubba and Bubba knew EVERYONE in the whole
world!!
Once when Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, "Boss, I
know everyone in the whole world!" His boss doesn't believe him,
so he says "No you do not know everyone in the whole world" but
Bubba says "Yes I do!" so Bubba's boss says "Well prove it!"
then Bubba says "Pick someone and I know them!"
Well Bubba's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a
name.
"Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!" Bubba say "Tom
Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were
kids!" but Bubba's boss says "No you weren't!" then Bubba says
"Yes we were!" so they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom
Selleck's house. Bubba knocks on the door and Tom Selleck
answers and Bubba says "Tom!!!" and Tom says "Bubba!" and they
hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Bubba's boss can't believe
it. But then he thinks "Well that could happen, it's just one
person," so he tells Bubba and Bubba says "OK, pick somebody
else!"
This time Bubba's boss has someone in mind! "The president, Bill
Clinton! You don't know Bill Clinton!" but Bubba says "Oh yes I
do! Bill and I were on debate team together in college!" Bubba's
boss says "No you weren't!" and Bubba says "Yes we were!" So
they fly to Washington and they catch up with the President at a
press conference. They work their way through the crowd until
Bubba gets close enough to catch Clinton's eye and waves "Bill!"
and the President waves "Bubba!" and after the press conference
they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Bubba's boss is stunned
- he can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that's just two
people in one country - that doesn't mean he knows everyone in
the whole world!" so he tells Bubba and Bubba says "OK, pick
someone out of the world spectrum and I know them!"
And Bubba's boss knows just who to pick so he says "The Pope!
You do not know the Pope!" and Bubba says "The Pope! The Pose
BAPTIZED me!" and Bubba's boss says "No he didn't!" and Bubba
says "Yes he did!" So they fly to Rome where the Pope is giving
Mass in front of hundreds of thousands of people. They work
their way through the crowd - without much luck - so Bubba says
"Boss, we're never gonna get there together through all these
people so I tell you what - I'll work my way up there and when I
do, I'll give you a sign that show you I know the Pope!" and he
leaves. Well Bubba's boss waits and waits and waits and just
when he's about to give up, he sees the Pope come out onto the
balcony and right there beside him is Bubba!
Shortly afterwards, Bubba's boss passes out. Bubba comes back
and finds his boss passed out and he fans him and says "Boss!
Boss! Wake up!" and when his boss comes to, he asks "Boss what
happened?" Bubba's boss looks at Bubba and says, "OK, I can see
Tom Selleck. I can see Bill Clinton and I can even take the
Pope! But when somebody standing next to me asks
'Who's that up there with Bubba?', that's a little more than I
can take!"
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