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():bar jokes (2610): A sick, twisted version of Yankee Doodle |
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| Posted by Rikki d. Beriault on 12-Aug-2005 | A sick, twisted version of Yankee DoodleYankee Doodle went to town, riding on his mother, every time they hit a bump he had a baby brother!
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5 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by "Princess on 09-Aug-2005 | Shit hits the fanA man walks into a bar. "Gimme a double, before the shit hits the fan."
A few minutes later, same thing. "Gimme a beer before the shit hits the fan."
This goes on for an hour or so.
Finally the Bartender goes up to him and says, "Listen buddy, maybe you should pay before you get another drink."
"Oops, the shit just hit the fan." He replied.
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4 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Pink Mist on 09-Aug-2005 | Snail visits barThe landlord of a pub, is just locking up, when there's a ring on the doorbell.
He opens the door, and there's a snail sitting there. "What do you want?" asks the landlord.
The snail replies that he wants a drink.
"Go away, we're closed, and we don't serve snails anyway".
The snail pleads and pleads with the barman to give it a drink, at which the landlord gets fed up, kicks the snail and slams the door.
..... Exactly one year later, he's locking up again, and there's a ring at the doorbell. The landlord opens the door, and looks down to see a snail sitting there. "What do you want" says the landlord.
"What did you do that for" says the snail.
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Jeremy Mrotek on 13-Aug-2005 | Woman wearing nylons.How can you tell when a woman is wearing nylons? Her ankles puff up when she farts!
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Vegitto on 14-Aug-2005 | Not My Drink!There's this guy on a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays
like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck
driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just
drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man,
I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just
can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I
fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous,
fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it
was stolen. The police, they say they can do nothing. I get a
cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my
wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.
I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the
gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And when I was
thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink
my poison..."
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5 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by chris on 09-Aug-2005 | Ladies ToiletA rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
'Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
'Actually, no,' he replies.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathes the barman, clearly aroused. 'Is there anything I can do?'
???Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,' she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them. 'Tell him,' she says, 'that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies' toilet.'
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2 people have rated this joke: |
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