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| Posted by Blah Blah on 13-Aug-2005 | A Visitor's Guide to Dallas, TX. . . life in America's fifth largest city.
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.
2.Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules....Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.
3.All directions start with, "Go down to Beltline"...which has no beginning and no end.
4.The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."
5.The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6.If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.
7. Arapaho Road can only be pronounced by a native. The same holds true for Wycliff Avenue, Worcola Street, Sul Ross, Pokolodi and Routh Street.
8.Construction on I-30 is a way of life and form of entertainment.
9.All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!!"
10.If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
11.All old ladies with blue hair in Cadillacs have the right of way.
12. Story Road mysteriously changes names as you cross intersections. Unless you're on Storey Rd......
13.If asking directions in Irving, you must have knowledge of Spanish.
14.Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport has four terminal buildings connected by one tram that never works.
15.A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
16.The wrought iron on windows in and around Oak Cliff isn't ornamental.
17.Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says,"Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone. Concealed weapons are a jealously guarded, God-given right.
18.If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone... people are not waving when they go by.
19.The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR.
20.LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
21. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
22. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Live Stock Show is going on.
23. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round.
24.Amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc. are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.
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| Posted by Breanne M. Riley on 09-Aug-2005 | The top ten reasons why the television is better than the World Wide Web10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.
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| Posted by Eddie Hojeij on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
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| Posted by Cody G. Jackson on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
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| Posted by Mike S. Meyer on 09-Aug-2005 | Reason to stay at work all night7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.
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| Posted by Tyler Luedtke on 09-Aug-2005 | A BBS Commandment11. Thou shalt not post anonymously when offering criticism.
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| Posted by Deliliah L. Cutting on 09-Aug-2005 | A BBS Commandment7. Thou shalt use the English language properly.
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| Posted by KateMaMate on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
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| Posted by Jocky on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to be annoying in computer labs41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
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| Posted by mike w. flewelling on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
38. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit. "
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| Posted by Penny Oliver on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to be annoying in computer labs1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the it to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evily.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.
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| Posted by jack ill on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to be annoying in computer labs21. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
22. Try to stick a Ninetendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disk drive. When it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is.
24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
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| Posted by xai chang birasco on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to be annoying in computer labs16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
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| Posted by Jimbo Bimbo on 09-Aug-2005 | A BBS Commandment16. Thou shalt confine thy messages to those of friendship, requests for assistance, aid to the needy, advice, and advancement of thy hobby; and thou art obligated to repel any who wouldst transgress upon those commandments.
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| Posted by Paul R. Flanigan on 09-Aug-2005 | A BBS Commandment2. Thou shalt remember thy name and password.
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| Posted by SongBird5685 on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
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| Posted by Champ on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
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| Posted by Samantha Kouts on 09-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Signs The Concert You're Attending is Not The Real WoodstockFrom "Late Show with David Letterman" on Tuesday, August 9, 1994
10. It's hosted by Ed McMahon.
9. "Amplifiers" are just enormous dixie cups.
8. Every song contains a plug for Green Giant frozen vegetables.
7. You're asked to put on a hat and sunglasses and the next thing you know, you're being introduced as Bob Dylan.
6. One word: polkas.
5. Guy sitting next to you brought a glove and has caught three foul balls.
4. "Santana" turns out to be a jolly bearded guy with a sackful of presents.
3. They're playing "May we turn the hose on you, please?" [All night Dave sprayed the crowd which gathers outside for each night's show with a hose.]
2. You spot Rush Limbaugh stage-diving.
1. The crowd is chanting, "Tito! Tito! Tito!"
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| Posted by Pat Kingsley on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
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| Posted by rebecca l. mccord on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
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| Posted by ruchi on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
32. Bring a water pistol with you.
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| Posted by alison robichaux on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
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| Posted by Tom Johnson on 09-Aug-2005 | Reason to stay at work all night8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail.
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| Posted by Dayna E. Bias on 09-Aug-2005 | A BBS Commandment13. Woe be unto the user who attempt to crash thy BBS, for he or she shalt be cast out from the sanctuary of thy hobby and must repent by doing 40 days and 40 nights of penance of voice-only communications.
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| Posted by Screamin Falcon on 09-Aug-2005 | The top ten signs that your co-worker is a computer hacker10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."
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| Posted by Paul C. Randall on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to be annoying in computer labs36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
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| Posted by shawn Nibble on 09-Aug-2005 | A BBS Commandment19. Thou shalt log on properly and in accordance with the SysOp's rules.
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| Posted by Madonna C on 09-Aug-2005 | Reason to stay at work all night4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion.
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| Posted by Shelly D. Goss on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i. e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
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| Posted by johnny g on 09-Aug-2005 | A BBS Commandment23. Thou shalt not exchange copy protected software thru the BBS.
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