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| Posted by kornyhiv ripper on 09-Aug-2005 | AccidentThere was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.
The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.
Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.
They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said, "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."
The engineer said, "No, that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."
The programmer said, "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Yum Yum on 09-Aug-2005 | Burger KingA man and his wife were driving their RV across country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee.
They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it, KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME.
They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.
Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat.
At the counter, the man said to the waitress: "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."
The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Stephen W. Gradwell on 09-Aug-2005 | Co-pilotLate one night during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at an airport control tower:
Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 feet over Heli-pad 1."
Second voice: "NO! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that pad!"
There was a brief moment of silence.
First voice again: "You idiot! You're my co-pilot!"
Submitted by
Edited by calamjo and yisman
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| Posted by Mel S on 09-Aug-2005 | Fiddle fartA nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight.
She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me."
She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and out came a card that said, "You're a nun you weigh 128lbs and you are going to Chicago, Illinois."
She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again.
She went back to the machine and put her nickel in. Out came a card read, "You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs you're going to Chicago, Illinois and you are going to play a fiddle."
The nun said to herself, "I know that's wrong, I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life." She sat back down.
From nowhere a Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. The nun picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music.
Startled, she looked back at the machine and said, "This is incredible. I've got to try it again."
Back to the machine, she put her nickel in and another card came out. It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you're going to Chicago, Illinois and you're going to break wind.
Now, the nun knows the machine is wrong; "I've never broke wind in public a day in my life!" Well, she tripped, fell off the scales and broke wind.
Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, "This is truly unbelievable! I've got to try it again."
She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and collected the card.
It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago!!!!!!"
Submitted by Curtis
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| Posted by slimchance on 09-Aug-2005 | Driving Test PranksFun Things To During A Driving Test
1. Turn the radio on. When the examiner goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
2. Rev the car really high, turn to the examiner, and say with a menacing look, "Buckle up!"
3. Knock over every cone while doing maneuverability. In the middle of it, get out and check to see if you have hit every one.
4. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of plastic wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat.
5. When the examiner tells you to stop, step on the gas. Tell him/her that you thought it was the brake.
6. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood latch and say "Oops!"
7. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "Now which one is the gas again?"
8. Fill your car with beer bottles.
9. Tell the registrar that you are taking the remedial test.
10. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
11. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.
12. Beep your horn at everything. Tell the examiner you understand the meaning behind road rage.
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| Posted by Kayne j. Ryan on 09-Aug-2005 | Parking SpaceThe old gent was backing his Rolls into the last available parking space when a zippy red sports car whipped in behind him to take the spot.
The young driver jumped out and said: "Sorry Pops, but you've got to be young and smart to do that."
The old man ignored the remark and kept reversing until the Rolls had crunched the sports car into a crumpled heap.
"Sorry son, you've got to be old and rich to do that!"
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