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| Posted by cs on 10-Aug-2005 | Aerobics Instructor HumorQ. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a well mannered
professional torturer?
A. The torturer would apologize first.
Q. Why did the aerobics instructor cross the road?
A. Someone on the other side could still walk.
Q. What do aerobics instructors and people who make bacon have in common?
A. They both tear hams into shreds.
Q. How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four!...Three!...Two!...One!
Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor
all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?
A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.
Q. What do you call an aerobics instructor who doesn't cause pain and agony?
A. Unemployed.
Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.
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| Posted by John C. Kober on 14-Aug-2005 | Small WorldTwo guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking
their time and are slowing the men down.
So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can
play through." He starts walking toward them, but about halfway there, he
turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.
He replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress.
Why don't you go talk to them?"
So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns
around.
When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?" To this he
replies, "It's a small world."
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| Posted by mark m. miller on 10-Aug-2005 | Goalkeeper's favourite snackWhat is a goal keeper's favorite snack?
Beans on post!
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| Posted by Arjun Landes on 10-Aug-2005 | Captain HookHow did Captain Hook die?
Jock itch.
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| Posted by toby666 on 14-Aug-2005 | Wish to Build a WallThere's a Chelsea fan, a Manchester Utd and a Liverpool fan
walking along a beach. The Chelsea fan trips over something half
buried in the sand. Sure enough, in true joke fasion, it's a
magic lamp, and the Chelsea fan rubs it. Poooof! A genie appears
and grants him 3 wishes. He decides to give his friends a wish
each and the Chelsea fan goes first.
"We've had a ban run in Europe this season so next year, I want
to qualify for the Champions League and win it."
A click of the genie's fingers and the wish is duly granted.
Next it's the Manc's turn.
"Right, our kid.", he says to the genie," I want a fucking great
big wall all the way around Manchester to keep those Scouse
bastards out!"
"Granted!" booms the genie, and the wall appears around
Manchester.
Finally, the Scouser steps up and asks, "This wall...how high is
it?"
"200 feet high" answers the genie.
"Any doors in it" continues the quizical Liverpool fan.
"Nope."
"Windows?"
"Nope."
"Right!", says the Scouser, "Flood the Bastard!"
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| Posted by DJ Davis on 14-Aug-2005 | 10 things to do on a golf course1.when someone is in their back stroke, scream and fall
over\blowhorn\scream swear words
2.Golf cart races
3.tape acceleration down on a golf cart
4.turn on the sprinklers
5.make a sand castle in the sand traps
6.set off weather siren on a sunny day
7.steal someone's clubs one by one until they notice
8.steal a golf cart while someone is teeing off
9.take a really long time to putt. Refuse to let others play
through.
10.play the course backwards. Start with the 18th hole, then the
17th, 16th and so on.
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