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| Posted by Heather H on 12-Aug-2005 | Agnostic Insomniac DyslexicWhat does an agnostic, insomniac, dyslexic do? Stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
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| Posted by Ben T. Halbig on 12-Aug-2005 | Timber!So Sven and Ole were out working in the forest one day. They had just gotten jobs as lumber jacks. Well one say they were working along cutting down all the trees that had the big red X on them.
As instructed by the foreman they were to yell 'TIMBER!' whenever the tree was about to fall. Ole was cutting down a tree and yelled 'Timber' and all of a sudden he saw a skidder pulling a tree out of the woods drive right under where the tree was about to fall. There was nothing he could do about it.
The tree fell on the cab killing poor 'ol DooDah. That was his name for his parents gave it to him. He was a young man recentley married.
Well Sven and Ole didn't know what to do, so they called the priest and he said to go talk and comfort DooDah's now widow.
Well they walked out of the forest into town and arrived at the widows house. They were dumbfounded and didn't know what to think or say. So quickly as the fact the tree fell.....Sven rang the doorbell.
A few minutes later the widow DooDah appeared at the door. Sven says that Ole has something to say. He's at a loss of words and all that comes out of his mouth is 'GUESS WHO DIED IN THE WOODS TODAY ....!'
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():nerd jokes (650): Two guys standing at the urinal. |
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| Posted by Lexi M. Johnson on 12-Aug-2005 | Two guys standing at the urinal.Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory when Ed
glanced over and noticed that Ted's penis was twisted like a corkscrew.
"Blimey," Ed said. "I've never seen one like that before!"
"Like what?" Ted said.
"All twisted like a pigs tail" Ed said.
"Well what's yours like?" Ted said.
"Well straight like normal" Ed said.
"I thought mine was normal `til I saw yours" Ted said.
Ed finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shake down prior to putting it back in his pants.
"What did you do that for?" Ted said.
"Shaking off the excess drops" Ed said. "Like normal."
"Shit" Ted said. "And all these years I've been wringing it!"
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| Posted by Cara Peterleus on 12-Aug-2005 | BettingThere were two guys sitting in a plane. The one guy says lets play a game, I'll ask you a question if you get it right I give you 5 dollars.
So the other guy says fine if you get it right, I give you 50 dollars, if you get it wrong you give me 5.
The guy says ok.
He asks him what his name was the guy didn't know it so he payed him 5 dollars.
So the other guy asks what goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4.
He thinks and thinks but doesn't know so he pays him 50 dollars.
He asks what does go up ahill with 3 legs and comes down with 4.
The guy hands him 5 dollars.
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| Posted by punkprincess7546 on 12-Aug-2005 | The Frog ScientistThere was this not too bright scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands.
He tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet.
He writes in his log book, frog jumps 30 feet.
Then he cuts off one leg. He gives the same command to frog.
It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet.
He cuts off another leg.
Frog goes 20 feet. He records it in log book.
Then he cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet.
He writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet.
Finally, he cuts off the last leg and commands frog, JUMP! Frog doesn't move an inch.
So the scientist writes in his book...
Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!
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| Posted by Israel A. Vega on 12-Aug-2005 | Literal ActionsTwo polish guys walk into a bar and sit down on the stools. All of a sudden, they start masturbating furiously, until the bar owner comes along and screams, "HEY, what the FUCK are you guys doing?! "
.. and one of the guys says,
"the sign says: FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE"
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