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| Posted by Cyberventurer on 13-Aug-2005 | AirlinesA Delta Airlines pilot was badly embarrassed about the a particularly rough landing. He was reluctantly fulfilling company policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited. Nevertheless he stood there and gave each person a smile, and said: 'Thanks for flying Delta.'
He had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, awaiting that inevitable harsh comment on the landing, which by extension would impugn his professional skills and probably his manhood as well.
There were fewer smiles than normal, but no comments. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why no M'am,' said the pilot, 'what is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we just land or were we shot down?'
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| Posted by Justin R. Timberlake on 13-Aug-2005 | Fun at the airportDuring the 'rush hour' at Houston's Hobby Airport, my flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it.
We were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find that a third gate had been designated for us. After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as we were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement,
'We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., then you should 'deplane' at this time.'
A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. 'Sorry,' he said, 'wrong plane.'
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| Posted by Matt & Biscuit on 13-Aug-2005 | Hotel DialectFor those of us who travel regularly this conversation should sound familiar:
Room Service: Morny. Rune-sore-bees.
Hotel Guest: Oh, sorry. I thought I dialed Room Service.
RS: Rye, rune-sore-bees. Morny. Djewish to odor sunteen?
HG: Uh... yes. I'd like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ow July then?
HG: What?
RS: Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch...?
HG: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled please.
RS: Ow July thee baycome? Crease?
HG: Crisp will be fine.
RS: Okay. An Santos?
HG: What?
RS: Santos. July Santos?
HG: Ugh. I don't know... I don't think so.
RS: No. Judo one toes?
HG: Look, I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means. I'm sorry.
RS: Toes! Toes! Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow cenglish mopping we bother?
HG: English muffin! I've got it! You were saying toast! Fine. An English muffin will be fine.
RS: We bother?
HG: No. Just put the bother on the side.
RS: Wad?
HG: I'm sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.
RS: Copy?
HG: I feel terrible about this but...
RS: Copy. Copy, tea, mill...
HG: Coffee! Yes, coffee please. And that's all.
RS: One Minnie. Ass rune torino fee, strangle aches, crease baycome, tossy cenglish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?
HG: Whatever you say.
RS: Okay. Tendjewberrymud.
HG: You're welcome.
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| Posted by THe LeFT BLiNKeR on 09-Aug-2005 | Your wife just fell outOn a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
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| Posted by Ryan Warden on 09-Aug-2005 | Travel with a horseAn out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
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