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| Posted by Georgie Wellington on 14-Aug-2005 | Angels atop the christmas tree traditionIt was a starry night and the snowflakes drifted down gently.
The snowcrust sparkled in the lamplight at the North Pole.
Sleigh bells jingled in the distance. It was supposed to be a
happy time, but it wasn't.
Santa was really pissed off. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING
was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas
cookies. The elves were bitching about not getting paid for the
overtime they had put in while making toys. And to top it all
off, the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were
completely useless. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin
earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree, breaking off one
of the runners. They were still stumbling around outside,
giggling and shaking their sleigh bells. Santa was redder than
usual with anger. He drank another slug of scotch, and then
bellowed, "I CAN'T believe it! I've got to deliver millions of
presents all over the world in just a few hours from now and all
my reindeer are drunk, my elves are on strike and I don't even
have a Christmas tree! AND I sent that stupid little angel out
HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What the
HELL am I going to do?"
Just at that moment, the little angel opened the front door and
stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree
behind him. He said, "Yo, Santa, where do you want me to stick
the Christmas Tree this year?" And thus the tradition of angels
perched atop the Christmas trees came to pass.
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| Posted by missbehavin on 14-Aug-2005 | How to Cook a TurkeyStep 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) OR JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Hope you'all have a Tappy Thansgibing
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| Posted by dawn whispers on 14-Aug-2005 | The 12 Days of ChristmasThe 12 Days of Christmas (Druggie Version)
On the _______________ of Christmas my dealer got for me......
1st A Hemp Fest in the City.
2nd Two Burn Outs.
3rd Three Bong Hits.
4th Four Acid Tabs.
5th Five Used Up Sluts.
6th Six Pounds of Crack.
7th Seven Used Syringes.
8th Eight Busted* Girls.
9th Nine Crack Whores.
10th Ten Kegs of Beer.
11th Eleven Months in Rehab.
12th Twelve Trips to Jail.
Busted means extreamly ugly.
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| Posted by Paul S. Morette on 14-Aug-2005 | Halloween CostumesA boyfriend and girlfriend were getting ready for a Halloween
party. The girlfriend came out wearing a lemon on her belt. The
boyfriend asked, "What are you going to the party as?" She said
"I'm going as a sourpuss!"
After the boyfriend got through changing, he came out wearing a
potato on his belt. The girlfriend said, "And what are YOU going
to the party as?" He said, "Well, I'm going as a dictator!"
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| Posted by Nick Jerimiah on 14-Aug-2005 | PilgrimsDid you ever wonder if the Pilgrims would have killed bobcats instead of
turkeys? And if so on Thanksgiving we'd be eating pussy!
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| Posted by Anna Flack on 14-Aug-2005 | Christmas Trees vs. PriestWhat do Christmas trees and priests have in common?
Their balls are for decoration.
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