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| Posted by Kathryn Ellis on 09-Aug-2005 | AppearanceOn a flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.
This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.
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| Posted by Adam R. Culbertson on 09-Aug-2005 | MaroonedA boat carrying blue paint and a boat carrying red paint collided in the middle of the ocean.
What happened to the crew?
They were marooned.
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| Posted by Ba A. Bi on 09-Aug-2005 | Hung like a horseA horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
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| Posted by Kris10 on 09-Aug-2005 | Smoking sectionHeard on a Southwest Airline flight.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to
smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can
light'em, you can smoke 'em."
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| Posted by Nicholas Hock on 09-Aug-2005 | Drunk driverA policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
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| Posted by KrAzYBoY on 09-Aug-2005 | Things not to sayEight things not to say to a cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!
5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.
6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
7. I pay your salary!
8. Bad cop! No donut!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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