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| Posted by daniel avila on 10-Aug-2005 | Are you married?Q. Are you married?
A. No, I'm divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn't know about.
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| Posted by Huzzah2k on 10-Aug-2005 | Forty Toothed Monster Holder-BackersWhat has 40 teeth and holds back a monster?
My zipper.
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| Posted by Tommy Handler on 10-Aug-2005 | A GUT-WRENCHING FART STORYA man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of
marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you'll fart your guts
out. Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he
would wake up, and not does it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that
night. He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the bathroom. Two
long hours later, he came out and stated, honey, you were right about me farting
my guts out BUT WITH THE GRACE OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT
THEM BACK IN THERE.
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| Posted by Shannon on 10-Aug-2005 | A Sweet Ass StoryIt was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Good bar.
I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and
Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, ???Hey Sweetheart, how'd
you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar????
Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure
Almond Joy!
I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that
this little Twix had the Red Hoots.
It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went
up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream ???Oh Henry, Oh Henry!???
Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long
before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky
Way.
She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, ???Hey Chick let, no kinky stuff.??? I
said, ???Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why
don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey????
(What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!)
She screamed, ???Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!??? as I rammed
my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.
Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my
Starburst!
Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and
complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.
Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth!
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| Posted by Adam K. Simpson on 10-Aug-2005 | Mommy and Daddy DearestThere are some children in a class naming animals and they come across a
picture of a deer.
So the teacher asks Bobby, ???What is this animal called????
???I don??™t know,??? claims Bobby.
So then she says, ???I'll give you a hint??”it's what your mother calls your
father.???
The boy thinks for a minute and then says, ???Oh that's what a son of a bitch
looks like!???
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| Posted by Joon Yoon on 10-Aug-2005 | DJ's First Day of SchoolLittle DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she
picked him up from school at the end of the day, she anxiously asked him how his
day went. 'Well, I came top of the class in Math, I made a touchdown in
football, and I had sex with the teacher.' 'What! How dare you! Get into your
room and wait till your father gets home!' Little DJ goes to his room, and when
his father comes home, DJ's mom tells his father, 'I'm absolutely disgusted with
DJ. He said he came top of the class in Math, made a touchdown in football, and
had sex with the teacher!' 'That's my boy' thinks his Dad. So he goes upstairs
to talk to DJ. 'Don't worry about your Mom. She's a bit upset, but it sounds to
me like you had an awesome day at school. In fact, I'm so pleased, you know that
bicycle I said I was going to buy you for Christmas, I think I'll get it for you
this weekend.' 'Oh no, Dad, don't. I don't think I'll be able to sit down for a
while.'
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