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| Posted by Sucha Dog on 08-Aug-2005 | Aunt CarolA Teacher was trying to get her class to pay attention the last few days of school so she came up with a project that her students had to go home and make their parents tell them a story and have a moral to it. The next day all the kids had great stories and then Jimmy raised his hand and the teacher asked him if he had a story and he said you bet"Its about my Aunt Carol,she was a pilot flying over Iraq and she got shot down and all she had was a pistol,a knife and a bottle of wisky! so she quickly drank the bottle of wisky because she figured she fall into a group of Iraqies! So,sure enough she fell into a group of 12 Iraqies,she shot 9 of them with her pistol,2 of them with her knife until it broke and strangled 1 with her bare hands" and asked if it had a moral to it and he said "You bet, don't mess with my Aunt Carol when she is drinking."
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| Posted by J Burns on 12-Aug-2005 | Paper or Plastic?One day a guy went to a grocery store and the bagger boy asked him "Paper
or Plastic" and the man said, "Uh...paper I guess."
Then the bagger boy said your total is $56.35.
The man took out his wallet and said "Real or Counterfeit".
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| Posted by Jono McSqueebs on 12-Aug-2005 | Skipping schoolA woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school.
She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast.
"No," the son replies. "I don't wanna go to school!"
"You HAVE to go to school," the mother scolds.
"No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don't like me, and the lunches are icky."
"You WILL go to school, young man," the mother warns.
"Why? Why do I have to go to school today?" the son asks.
The mother is about to lose her patience.
"Because you're the principal, now get out of bed!"
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| Posted by Jimbo Bimbo on 13-Aug-2005 | Teachers' PayTeachers are paid too much!! I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salaries for only 9 months work! What we need here is a little perspective. If I had my way, I'd pay teachers babysitting wages.
That's right...instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I'd give them $3.00 an hour. And, I'm only going to pay them for 5 hours, not planning time. That would be $15.00 a day. Each parent should pay $15.00 a day for these teachers to baby sit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it's still cheaper than private daycare.
Now how many children do they teach a day--maybe 20? That's $15.00 x 20 = 300.00 a day. But remember, they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for all the vacations: $300.00 x 180 =$54,000. (Just a minute my calculator must need batteries.)
What will teachers say about those who have 10 years of experience and a master's degree? Well, maybe (just to be fair) they could get the minimum wage. We can round that off to about $6.00 an hour, times 5 hours, times 20 children. $6.00 x 5 x 20. That's $600 a day times 180 days. That's only $108,000.
Wait a minute...there is something wrong here...
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| Posted by Xandi on 12-Aug-2005 | Mail carriers.What kind of drugs are mail carriers not tested for?
SPEED!
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| Posted by Audrey Osterman on 12-Aug-2005 | OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCEOPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE?
Once upon a time, an American company and a Japanese company decided to have competitive boat race on the Bear River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they both felt as ready as they could be.
The Japanese won by a mile! Afterwards the American Team became very discouraged by the losses and morale began to sag. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A The "Continuous Improvement Team" was established to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
THEIR CONCLUSION: The problem was that the Japanese Team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereby the American Team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and millions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that too many people were steering and not were rowing.
To prevent losing to the Japanese again, the American Team's management structure was totally reorganized to three Steering Director, three Steering Managers, and two Steering Supervisors. Also a new performance system for the person rowing the boat was developed to give more incentive to work harder.
"We must give him empowerment and enrichment. That ought to do it."
The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower to "cut costs, sold all of the paddles, canceled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, gave a "Superior Performance" award to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
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