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| Posted by The Gekko on 09-Aug-2005 | Aviation GuideTakeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back -- then they get bigger again)
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great' landing. It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.
A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Trust your captain .... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as copilot is a copilot who once was a captain.
Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.
It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.
A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.
Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed.
Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!
Gravity never loses -- the best you can hope for is a draw!
You start out flying with a bag of luck and a bag of experience, the trick is to get your bag of experience full before your bag of luck is empty.
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| Posted by RYAN KRISHNAN on 09-Aug-2005 | Good night!A guy pulls into a little town, and every hotel room is taken.
He says to the last hotel clerk, "You've gotta have a room somewhere. Or just a bed, please, I'm really beat."
The clerk says, "Well, I do have a double room with only one occupant, and I'm sure he'd be glad to split the cost. But he snores so loudly that the people in the adjoining rooms have been complaining all week."
The guy says, "No problem, I'll take it." The next morning the guy comes down to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
The manager says, "How'd you sleep with him snoring?"
The guy says, "I shut him up quick."
The manager says, "How'd you do that?"
The guy says, "He was already in bed snoring away when I came into the room. So I went over, gave him a big kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Good night, beautiful.'
And he sat up and watched me all night."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent
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| Posted by sick on 09-Aug-2005 | Minister and a CowboA minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."
Submitted by BreeBrown
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by jeefunk on 09-Aug-2005 | You have a driverTwo tour groups visited England.
They happened to rent a double-decker bus, with one group downstairs and the other upstairs.
The downstairs group was singing and dancing and the group upstairs just sat there.
Finally, one of the downstairs people went upstairs and asked why they weren't having as much fun.
"It's easy for you to relax and have fun," said one of the upstairs guys, "you have a driver."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Tahys on 09-Aug-2005 | No land yetWhen the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals.
"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice.
"There will be NO sex on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tip of your penis. All of you males, take off your dicks and hand it in with my son's. I will be sitting over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your dicks back."
After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited.
"Quick!" he said. "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!"
Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders and looked out the window.
"Sorry, no land yet."
"Shit!" and out went Mr. Rabbit.
This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him.
"What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water had drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?"
"Look!" said Mr. Rabbit with a sinister look on his face as he held out a piece of paper. "I got the donkey's receipt!!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Nady on 09-Aug-2005 | Female AstronautsWhy is it good that we now have female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing
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