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| Posted by Colten Reddit on 12-Aug-2005 | BB'sThere was this family who lived in the country, and the father took his boy out shooting. When they came back later that day the father put his BB gun on the top of the stove and hurried to the bathroom.
He set it down so fast and hard that it opened and the BB's from the gun went right into mother's spagetti sauce. She had seen the BB's and just figured that they couldn't hurt anyone, so she just served dinner anyways.
Later that night the little girl ran down stairs saying, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt you said the mom. No said the girl. Ok then don;t worry it will go away.
Then the little boy runs down stairs, "mommy mommy I just peed BB's! Well did it hurt she says? No says the boy. Ok then don't worry about it, it will go away.
Later that night the father rushes down the stairs with his pants down - "honey, honey, I was just up stairs jacking off and I shot the dog!"
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| Posted by Lorelea on 11-Aug-2005 | Body buildingAn apple always wanted to be strong.so he
went to bodybuilding and started practicing hard.But after a week of hard work he became a hip!
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| Posted by catisfaction on 11-Aug-2005 | Define Laws of Golf!LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
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| Posted by Cynthia M on 11-Aug-2005 | BaseballTwo boys were playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping the attach.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..." he starts writing in his notebook. "But, I'm not a Bruins Fan", the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were", said the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack..." he continues to write in his notebook. "I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said. "I assumed everyone in Boston was either a Bruins or Red Sox fan. So, what team do you root for? the reporter asked. "I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Bastard from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet".
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| Posted by Doggy on 11-Aug-2005 | Golf ball and G-spot...Q:What's the difference between a golf ball and a "G-Spot"?
A:A bloke will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball!!
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| Posted by faulk t. poo on 11-Aug-2005 | Great caddyA man was looking for a new caddy one day when his friend said " I know a great caddy - he is 90 years old but he has eyes like a hawk"
"OK then " said the man "tell him I'm playing again in a week. "
The week passed and they started to play. The golfer hit a perfect drive and he said to the caddy "did you see where it went"
The caddy then said "yes"
"OK then where is it?"
The caddy replied "I forgot."
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