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| Posted by sheila Murray on 09-Aug-2005 | BeautifulThe teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautiful".
Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."
Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."
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| Posted by KateMaMate on 09-Aug-2005 | Walking The DogThis young girl about 7 year old had a dog which she took for a walk everyday after school.
Well, one day her dog was in heat, so her father told her that she couldn't walk the dog for a week or so because it wasn't feeling well.
His daughter became very upset and cried for most of the night.
The next day the father came up with a plan. He put some gasoline on the dogs rear end to hide the cover the smell from the male dogs.
Well when the girl got home she was happy to find that she could now walk her dog again.
About an hour later the girl returned without the dog.
The father asked, "what on earth has happened to the dog?"
The girl replies, "Well she ran out of gas a few blocks back and is being pushed home by another dog."
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| Posted by Kevin Polagro on 09-Aug-2005 | Can I Have A Drink?A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later, "Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
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| Posted by Jonathan LoGalbo on 09-Aug-2005 | How Was I Born?A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey.." said the slightly prudish parent "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted .
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
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| Posted by Nicolas Lee on 09-Aug-2005 | Why Is My Name?A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?" the mother replied "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The next child walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" She replied, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
The last child walked up to her and said "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY." The mother replied, "Be quiet, Fridge!"
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| Posted by Kristen S on 09-Aug-2005 | Daddy LonglegsA little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a daddy longlegs." her father answered.
"So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied.
"Both of them are daddy longlegs,"
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
"Well, we're not having THAT sort of shit in our garden."
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