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| Posted by Katie Cramer on 11-Aug-2005 | Bee StingA woman has just started to play golf when she gets stung on the arm by a bee. She rushes back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor. She asks, "Is anyone here a doctor."
One guy, who was pretty drunk, stands up and says, "I'm a doctor, what can I help you with?"
"I've been stung by a bee."
"Oh really, where?"
"Between the first and second hole"
"Well, first of all, your stance is too wide..."
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| Posted by Michelle Wy on 11-Aug-2005 | Bear Hunting!Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said: "You've got two choices.
I either maul you to death or we have rough sex."
Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it.
There was another tap on his shoulder.
This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly says: "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear says:
"Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
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| Posted by jumbo shrimp on 11-Aug-2005 | Golfing with Doc...I was playing golf with my doctor friend one day.
He ALWAYS hit his drives right down the middle of the fairway.
My problem was that I ALWAYS hooked my ball completely off the fairway.
I asked him for help, and he offered to give me a physical to see if he could determine the problem.
Sure enough, he said that I had three times the "normal length" of the average male, which caused an anomaly in my swing that caused me to hook.
I asked him to help me, and he agreed to do surgery -- provided that I didn't play golf for four weeks. I agreed. Golf is just that important to me.
Four weeks later, new body and all, I teed off on the first hole and drove the ball 270 yards right down the middle. Feeling elated, I thanked the doctor.
Then I asked him what had become of the "rest" of me.
He just smiled, teed his ball, then hit it...
and watched it duck hook two fairways away...
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| Posted by shelly Neely on 11-Aug-2005 | A Round of GolfA man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."
He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?"
She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh." "No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you!"
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| Posted by Randi G. Upchurch on 11-Aug-2005 | Fred and HarryTwo friends, Fred and Harry were golfing one fine day.
Toward the end of the golf course, Fred had hit his ball into the woods.
Harry, laughed and poked fun, but then somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, just a few yards beyond where Fred has hit his.
Fred looked for a long time, getting angrier every minute.
Finally, in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups, he found his ball.
Instead of just continuing the game, he took his club and thrashed every single buttercup in that patch smashing the weeds to pieces.
All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?!
Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life... better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life..... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"
Then POOF!...she was gone.
After Fred got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend,
"Harry!....Harry!...where are you?"
Harry yells, "I hit my ball in these damn pussywillows!"
Fred screams back....."DON'T SWING! FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T SWING!
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| Posted by ryan j on 11-Aug-2005 | Buckeyes vs Wolverines!In the Ohio State Buckeyes locker room in Columbus, there's a sign stating - "Play like champions today!"
There's also one in the Michigan Wolverines locker room that says:
"Don't forget your HELMET!"
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