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| Posted by unknow on 04-Oct-2005 | blonedBlond (B1) is walking in the forest and comes to a lake. She wants to cross the lake so she looks around ans see another blond (B2) on the other side so the B1 goes:
Hey, how do I get to the other side?
B2 You are on the other side!
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| Posted by Rachel E. Winograd on 14-Aug-2005 | responsibility lectureThere was a family of 3 generations all living in separate
homes: The Father and mother [age 66 and 70]
The Oldest Son and his wife and two childeren [a son-15 and a
daughter-10]
&The youngest daughter and her husband and two children [a
daughter-12 and a son-8]
It was summer holidays for the children and the parents were all
working, so, just to let the kids play they decided to leave
them all at their grandparents [just a reminder aged 66 and 70]
for thursday and friday every week until they had stopped the
working year and gone on holidays.
The children knew that their grandparents were over protective,
and also liked to chat a lot. So when the first day came, they
sat themselves down on the couch to watch some TV.
"NO NO NO! you cant just sit in front of the TV all day, you
have to go outside FIRST just for a little bit." lectured the
grandmother.
the grandfather had left just a few minutes earlier and wouldnt
have objected to TV, it was peace and quiet for him.
So the kids went outside to find something to do. Andrew, the
oldest son of the oldest son, was bored and didnt want to play
anything, so he sat down and read a book. The other 3 had a
water fight with water pistols and water bombs and everything!
When the grandmother came out, she cracked a fit and let them
all watch TV.
Just a few minutes later, the grandmother returned and said to
Andrew, the oldest,
"Now Andrew, you've got 3 children in your hands now!"
"oh Gosh!" exclaims Andrew.
"Because im going out and you HAVE to be responsible!"
"Yeah whatever"
"WHATEVER!??!?!?! its not just WHATEVER, its 3 children, YOU
have to be responsible for them, you're nearly 16!"
"and ill be driving soon, away, FAR away."
"You should learn to be responsible!"
any way this continues for about another hour and finally when
the grandmother is satisfyed that Andrew will be responsible,
she ends it:
"fine, im going now."
"Grandma, where are you going?"asks the youngest one.
"To the letter box, to check the mail."
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| Posted by Carrie Sparton on 14-Aug-2005 | Elevator RideA small guy gets into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Ben Hoover."
The small guy faints. The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the small guy, "what's wrong with you?"
The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Ben Hoover"
The small guy says ,"Thank God! I thought you said 'Bend Over.'"
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| Posted by cory a. HOGAN on 14-Aug-2005 | doctorA doctor was delivering a baby and when the baby comes out he
drops it on the ground. The mother says what in the hell are you
doing? He then picks up the baby and throws it againts the wall.
He runs acrost the room and picks it up and drop kicks it. Then
finally he picks it up by the legs and spikes it on its head.
The whole time the mother is going ape shit saying what the hell
are you doing to my baby boy? Oh, the doctor says, dont worry it
was already dead.
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| Posted by sk8ergirl697131 on 14-Aug-2005 | 10 Fun Things To Do at the Mall1.) Get a white sweater in a very large size and tie it around
one of your friends. Have them run through people screaming, "I
SWEAR, IT'S TRUE!! TINY GREEN KNOMES STOLE MY UNDERPaNTS!!!!"
2.) Stand outside an elevator and inside a store. Run out as
fast as you can go, and if the elevator doors are open, run in
and press buttons rapidly. Then when the doors close, sigh
relaxingly. If the doors are closed, pound on them and scream,
"No, no!!!!" Then push the buttons rapidly. Have a muscular or
large friend drag you off to the bathrooms while you scream,
"No, I wont!! I wont do it!!!!! I WONT!!!!!!!"
3.) Dress yourself (If you're a male) or another male friend
head to toe in womens 'delicates'. Have them (or you) run out
of the store, saying, "They said it couldn't be done, and I did
it!! My name is forever braman!!!!"
4.) Sing made up elevator music.
5.) While wearing pajamas, sucking on your thumb, and holding a
stuffed animal closely, sit on a bed in a department store and
when someone looks funny at you, say "I had nightmares . . ."
6.) While in a department store's shoe department, have a male
try on a pair of high heels and say "Is this too manly?" to
another male friend. Talk back and forth having a 'man to man'
conversation.
7.) Bring a camera and whenever you see a slut, take pictures of
them while circling them and saying, "Yes, yes, there's the look
baby! Beautiful!! Come on, gimme a smile, there ya go!!!"
Speak in a British accent.
8.) When someone orders food from the food court, ask them,
"Wow, that smells good, where'd you get it?" Before they can
answer, pick up some and lick it. Then throw it back on their
plate and say, "Yuck! Never mind!"
9.) Ask people annonymosly, "Do you have any Grey Poupon?"
10.) While sitting near a young female on a bench, look down at
your private and poke it saying, "Crap, c'mon boy, we almost
nailed her . . ."
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| Posted by roshan on 14-Aug-2005 | Thoughts for the dayThoughts for the day
1) Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2) One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4) If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?
5) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where
all the bad girls live.
6) I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the
purpose.
7) Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets
aren't going as ghosts, but as mattresses?
8) Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
9) And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S"
in it?
It is not known with what weapon World War III will be fought,
but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-- Albert Einstein
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