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| Posted by Tiger Lily on 09-Aug-2005 | Box OfficeAs the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the
passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to your destination."
Joe, sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"
When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the
cockpit, Now it's the 'box office'."
Submitted by Gravedigger
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Dragonfire563 on 09-Aug-2005 | Seat beltFrom a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to
Tampa.
To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.
It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
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| Posted by Cameron Rivard on 09-Aug-2005 | Pick your favorite"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child traveling
with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
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| Posted by Hope moynahan on 09-Aug-2005 | We love youWeather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
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| Posted by meryl m. clewett on 09-Aug-2005 | Never say to a cop..THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A COP...
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. If the Officer says "Gee son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?"
You probably shouldn't reply,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Wonder-Woman N. Super Man on 09-Aug-2005 | Don't help dearAn old Montana rancher hates wearing his seat belt.
One day, he's driving on the highway with his wife and sees a state trooper behind him.
He says to his wife, "Quick, take the wheel! I've got to put my seat belt on!"
She does, and right then, the trooper pulls them over.
He walks up to the car and says to the rancher, ??????Say, I noticed you weren??????t wearing your seat belt.??????
The rancher says, "I was, but you don't have to take my word for it. My wife is a good Christian, ask her. She'll tell you the truth. She doesn't lie about anything."
So the cop asks the wife.
The wife says, "I've been married to Buck for 20 years, officer, and one thing I've learned in all that time is this: You never argue with him when he's drunk."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
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