|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Shalene J. Mccully on 11-Aug-2005 | Burger royalitiesQ:why did the burger queen get pregnant?
A:the burger king forgot to wrap his whopper.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Brandon w. Huston on 11-Aug-2005 | CheeseQ: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho Cheese
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Shelly Mclaughlin on 11-Aug-2005 | Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross the road without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken XM, which will not only cross the road but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Butter Fly on 11-Aug-2005 | Arthritic ThumbA man sits down at a diner counter and, when the waitress arrives, orders a bowl of chili. The waitress brings the chili but, the man notices, her thumb is in the chili. "Uh, ma'am", asks the customer, "may I ask what your thumb is doing in my bowl of chili"? "Well", answers the waitress, "I went to the doctor today, and he said I have arthritis in my thumb.....and to keep it in something warm every chance I got". Outraged, the customer retorts, "Well, then....why don't you shove it up your fuckin' ass??" The waitress smiles, and says, "I DO when I'm back in the kitchen".
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Kayli on 11-Aug-2005 | Delicious Chewing GumA Frenchmen is calmly having his breakfast when an American (noisily chewing gum) sits beside him.
The Frenchman ignores the American who (not happy about this) starts a conversation.
American: "Do you eat the whole bread?"
French (in a bad mood): "Of course!"
American: "We don't. We only eat what is inside and the outside we put together in a container, recycle it, transform it into croissants and sell it to France."
The French listens in silence.
The American insists: "Do you eat the bread with jam?"
French (now more annoyed): "Of course!"
American: "We don't. We eat fresh fruit for our breakfast, put all the seed and the rest in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to France."
The Frenchman then asks: "And what do you do with condoms once you used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course!"
French: "We don't. We put them in a container, recycle them, transform them into chewing gum and sell it to America."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by chris Dawson on 11-Aug-2005 | The Obituary of the Pillsbury DoughboyIt is with the saddest heart i pass on the following:Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pillbury spokesman. The Pillsbury doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess twinkies,
and Captain Crunch.
The gravesite was piled high with flours.As long-time friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on halfbaked schemes. Despite being being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millons.
Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart. Doughboyis surved by his wife, Play Dough; two chidren,
John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by sum messed up retard on 11-Aug-2005 | Problem SolvedA worried man goes to his doctor and explains, "Doc, there's something seriously wrong with my digestive system!" "If I eat carrots, when I go to the bathroom, out comes carrots! If I eat peas, I take a dump, out comes peas! I eat apples and I poop apples! I'm worried, Doc; What do you suggest?"
The doctor said calmly, "No problem, eat shit."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Silly One on 11-Aug-2005 | Life as an eggSo you think your life is bad.
Just think how bad the life of the egg is...
You only get laid once!
You only get eaten once!
It takes 4 minutes to get hard
2 minutes to get soft
You have to share a box with 11 other guys
And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.
(Now don't you feel better)
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Tim Smith on 11-Aug-2005 | The Birth of a Candy BarOne PAYDAY MR.GOODBAR wanted a BIT-O-HONEY so he took miss HERSHEY'S behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of CLARK and 5thAVENUE. He began to feel her MOUNDS with his BUTTERFINGER. That was pure ALMOND JOY. It made her TOOTSIE ROLL and he let out a SNICKER as she screamed " OH HENRY" while squeezing his PETER PAUL and ZAGNUTS. Miss HERSHEY'S said: you are even better than the 3 MUSKATEERS. Soon she was a bit CHUNKY and nine months later had a BABY RUTH.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Cool Beans Girl on 11-Aug-2005 | Banana Loaf2 laughing eyes
2 bowing arms
2 well-shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 fur-lined mixing bowl
1 banana
Look into laughing eyes, spread well-shaped legs and slowly squeeze and massage milk containers gently until mixing bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger. Add banana and gently work in and out until creamed. Cover with nuts and garnish with a sigh of relief. Bread is done when banana is soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and do not lick the bowl.
WARNING: If bread rises, LEAVE TOWN !
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Allison L. Benaderet on 11-Aug-2005 | BeansOne of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck dinner, and her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other.
He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing.
The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes.
The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?"
Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?"
"Well," said Mary, "this morning I bent over to feed the cat and I shot the canary."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Noreen Hassan on 11-Aug-2005 | Cyanide WatermelonThe was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign. It says, ???Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.??? So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which reads, ???Now there are two.???
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by silverseeker on 11-Aug-2005 | Cohones de Toro...A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.
Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on acation down here! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy"!
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Babidoll on 11-Aug-2005 | The family crisisThis family is sitting around the table and the kids have some meat in front of them and dont know wut it is. moms on the phone and says "thanks for givin us the deer meat the kids love it but dont know wut it is". the dad says " the name of the meat is something that ur mom calls me." the little boy says spit it out spit it out sister its asshole.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Harry Nipples on 11-Aug-2005 | Smart pillsTwo buddies were walking down the warf one day.Jack asked Joe what is 99+347.Well Joe said,thats easy boy,thats 446.Joe boy your getting some smart Jack said.Well Jack I been eating smart pills.You got anymore Joe.Yes I got More.So then Joe puts his hand down the ass of his pants and takes one out and gives it to jack.Then Jacks says my Joe,this tastes like shit.Joe says well Jack,your getting smarter already.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
