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| Posted by The Almighty Gino on 09-Aug-2005 | Buried at SeaThis elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside.
"Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried at sea."
So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea."
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| Posted by Cuto on 09-Aug-2005 | Old Man in Nursing HThere was an old man in a nursing home who always fell out of his wheelchair. Finally, the nurses decided to do something about it, so they appointed a nurse to watch him all the time. He started to lean foward so the nurse stuck a pillow in front of him. Then he started to lean backward so she stuck a pillow behind him. Then he started to lean to the left so she stuck a pillow to the left of him. Then he leaned to the right and she stuck a pillow to the right of him. Later on that day, his son came to visit him. ''Dad, why do you have all those pillows around you''? ''Well, the nurses around here won't let me fart!"
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| Posted by StrikerSixer76 on 09-Aug-2005 | Yo Po' and Yo BaYou're so poor I went to your house and asked where the bathroom was and you said, ???4th bottle to the left.???
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| Posted by Brandon S. Laboon on 09-Aug-2005 | How to Mess With the(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of thegovernment to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.)
--Always put staples in the right hand corner.Go ahead and put a down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from theenvelopes have to take out any staples in the right side.
--Never arrange paperwork in the right order,or even facing the right way. Put a few upside down and backwards. That way theyhave to remove all your staples rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it (on the leftside).
--Line the bottom of your envelope withElmer's glue and let it dry before you put in your forms, so that the automated openerdoesn't open it and the extractor has to open it by hand.
--If your very unfortunate and have to paytaxes use a two or three party check.
--On top of paying with a three party checkpay one of the dollars you owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter howsmall an amount, he has to take it to a special desk and fill out of few nasty forms.
--Write a little letter of appreciation. Anyletter received has to read and stamped regardless of what it is or what it's on.
--Write your letter on something misshapen andunconventional. Like on the back of a Kroger sack.
--When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope(even if its just a single EZi form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differentlythan regular business size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they takepriority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your mess.
--If you send 2 checks they'll have to stapleyour unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form.
--Always put extra paper clips on your forms.Any foreign fasteners or the like have to be removed and put away.
--Sign your name in ink on every page. Anysignature has to verified and then date stamped.
NOTE: These are just a few of the fun andexciting things you can do with The Man. These methods are only recommended when you owemoney
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| Posted by Sandeep S. Tatle on 09-Aug-2005 | College RulesOn the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third timewill cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
"How much for a season pass?"
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| Posted by Kitty Kat on 09-Aug-2005 | Shoot The PigA farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in thebull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling ??” what should I do?''
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush."
The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back.
"Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?"
his Boss snapped.
"The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"
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