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| Posted by chris d. delis on 08-Aug-2005 | Bush FansThere's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy, Little Johnny.
The teacher asks Little Johnny why he has decided to be different.
Little Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Little Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan."
The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan, and Little Johnny says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if your Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot... what would that make you?"
Little Johnny says, "Well, that would make me a Bush fan."
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| Posted by Madison D. Taylor on 09-Aug-2005 | What kids say'Never trust a dog to watch your food.' - Patrick, aged 10.
'When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer.'- Hannah, aged 9.
'Never tell your mum her diet's not working.' - Michael, aged 14.
'Stay away from prunes.' - Randy, aged 9.
'Don't squat with your spurs on.' - Noronha, aged 13.
'Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.' - Emily, aged 10.
'When your mum is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.' - Taylia, aged 11.
'Never allow your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.' - Traci, aged 14.
'Don't sneeze in front of your mum when you're eating crackers.' - Mitchell, aged 12.
'Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac.' - Andrew, aged 9.
'Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.' - Kyoyo, aged 9.
'You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.' - Armir, aged 9.
'Don't wear polka-dotted underwear under white shorts.' - Kellie, aged 11.
'If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.' - Naomi, aged 15.
'Felt pens are not good to use as lipstick.' - Lauren, aged 9.
'Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.' - Joel, aged 10.
'When you get a bad grade at school, show it to your mum when she's on the phone.' - Alyesha, aged 13.
'Never try to baptise a cat.' - Eileen, aged 8.
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| Posted by Rosanna h. Young on 09-Aug-2005 | The Lone RangerA teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her Grade Two class because she realizes Little Johnny's habit of using sexual innuendo is going to cause some trouble.
Johnny remains attentive throughout the whole class and, finally, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, 'I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.'
`Very good, William,' said the teacher.
'My mummy had a baby,' said little Esther.
'Oh, that's nice,' replied the teacher.
Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. 'I was watching TV yesterday and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.'
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, 'And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?'
'It'll teach those Indians not to f*** with the Lone Ranger.'
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| Posted by slimchance on 09-Aug-2005 | Tooth BrushJohnny's dad walks into the bathroom and sees Johnny scrubbing his dick with a toothbrush.
His dad says, ???What the hell are you doing!???
Johnny says, "There's no way I'm getting a cavity like my sister"
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| Posted by mr piemanmoo on 08-Aug-2005 | Little Jane climbs a tree...Little Jane came home from school and said, "Mommy mommy guess what? These boys wanted me to climb up a tree, so I did."
Her mom said, "You don't be a' doin' that! Those boys just wanted to see your panties!"
"Ok mommy", little Jane said.
The next day at school, the boys asked her to do it again, so she did, and at the end of the day she told her mom and her mom said, "I told you not to be a doin' that! Those boys just wanted to look at your panties!"
Little Jane looked at her mother and said, "Don't worry, mommy. I was smart this time... I didn't wear any panties."
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| Posted by alison robichaux on 09-Aug-2005 | Playing trainsA mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying,
'All you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop. And all you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your arses in the train, 'cause we're going down the tracks.'
The horrified mother went in and told her son,
'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.'
She hears the little boy continue
'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added,
'For those of you who are pissed off about the two-hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.'
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