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():other funny jokes (4827): BUTTER TEETH

Posted by Kitty K on 13-Aug-2005



9 people have rated this joke:

():other funny jokes (4827): Horoscopes

Posted by ANGEL D. HUDSON on 14-Aug-2005


There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the
back of a speeding bus. Fill that void in your pathetic life by
playing Whack-A-Mole 17 hours a day.

They to avoid any Virgo's or Leo's with the Ebola virus. You
are the true "Lord of the Dance" no matter what those idiots at
work say.

The look on your face will be priceless when you find that 40
pound watermelon in your colon. Trade toothbrushes with an
albino dwarf and give a hickey to Meryl Streep.

You will never find true happiness. What're you gonna do? Cry
about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch
of stuff, and then go back to sleep.

Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive
flatulence. Your love life will run into trouble when your
fiancee hurls a javelin through your chest.

The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest of
the week face down in the mud. Try not to shove a roll of duct
tape up your nose while taking your driving test.

Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to
your boss' face. Eat a bucket of tuna flavored Jell-O, and wash
it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik.

All Virgo's are extremely friendly and intelligent- except for
you. Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your
head impaled upon a stick.

A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more
talented than you. Laughter is the very best medicine. Remember
that when your appendix bursts next week.

Be ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an
open window. Work a little bit harder on improving your low
self-esteem, you stupid freak.

All your friends are laughing behind your back. Kill them.
Take down all those naked pictures of fat old women you've got
hanging in your den.

The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person,but
you know they're lying. If I were you, I'd lock my doors and
windows and never ever,ever, ever, ever leave my house again.


2 people have rated this joke:

():other funny jokes (4827): Murder Mystery

Posted by Brennan A. Smith on 09-Aug-2005

Murder Mystery

A man finds his seat in the theatre, but it's too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."

The usher moves him to the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter and then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."


6 people have rated this joke:

():other funny jokes (4827): Arthritis is SO Crue

Posted by Jude Hey on 09-Aug-2005

Arthritis is SO Crue

"I'll tell you," he said, "I've learned that arthritis is the cruellest disease."

"Crueller than cancer?"

his friend asked.

"You bet," the first codger replied, "It makes every single one of your joints stiff, except the right one."


2 people have rated this joke:

():other funny jokes (4827): Aged Mother

Posted by Gen_Aftertaste on 12-Aug-2005
Aged Mother
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.

When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again.
Again the mother says "not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby!?"

And the mother says, "You'll have to wait until the baby cries."
And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it!"

2 people have rated this joke:

():other funny jokes (4827): Things To Do to kill time

Posted by Jeanna M. Garloch on 14-Aug-2005
Things To Do to kill time
Find a cure for AID's, tell no one.

Build a giant eraser by scraping pencil erasers into a shoe box.

count all of the hairs on your body.

calcutate the amount of inches from where you are to the moon,
once finished, do the same for every planet in the solar system.

construct the statue of liberty, with toothpicks.

dig a hole that you can bury a car in, using a spoon.

try gaining weight, by eating celery

Do you whole classes math homework

watch every movie ever made, in one sitting.

learn every foriegn language

ask your grandparents about their life. (try to act interested)


27 people have rated this joke:

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