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| Posted by Y James on 10-Aug-2005 | Cake Anyone?A man was sitting with a few beers watching T.V. When his wife came home she
opened the door to the house and said to her husband "Honey could please fix
this door, it's gonna fall off". He replied "Do I look like I have Mitre10 on my
head" She said nothing. Later she asked him to fix the ladder so she could
change the light bulb and he said "Do I look like I have Handyman on my head?
Then she asked if he could wash the car and he said to her "Do I look like I
have Shell Service station on my head"? He became so mad he said, "I'm sick of
you, get out of my way - I'm going to the pub". When he came home late that
night he noticed the door, light and car had all been fixed. "How did you do
that"? he asked his wife. She told him that when she had been sitting on the
doorstep crying when he left and a nice man asked if he could help her. She told
him what had happened and he said that all she had to do for payment was bake
him a cake or have sex with him. Her husband asked "What kind of cake did you
make" To which she replied "Do I look like I have Betty Crocker on my head"?
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| Posted by Funny Girl on 10-Aug-2005 | Women??™s LamentThe nice men are ugly. The handsome men are not nice. The handsome and nice
men are gay. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. The men who
are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. The men who are not so
handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money. The
handsome men without money are after our money. The handsome men, who are not so
nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough. The men who
think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are
cowards. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money
and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!! The
men, who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we
take the initiative. And yet, WOMEN are the CONFUSING sex?
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| Posted by Katie P. Kromwell on 10-Aug-2005 | Breasts Like A TeenagerThis 65-year-old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and
singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while
then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?" She says, "I just
got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old."
She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he
say about your 65 year-old ass?" She says, "Well, your name never came up."
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| Posted by AmBeRrrrrrrr on 10-Aug-2005 | Female comebacks!Guy:how do you like your eggs in the morning?
woman:unfertilized
Guy:my place or yours??
Woman:both,I'll go to mine and you'll go to yours!
Guy:is this seat empty?
Woman:yeah,and this one will be if you sit down!
Guy:Hey baby whats your sign?
Woman:Do not enter
Guy:I would go to the end of the world for you!
Woman:Yeah, but would you stay there?
Guy:If I saw you naked,I'd die happy!
Woman:If I saw you naked,I'd probably die laughing.
Guy:Have I seen you someplace before?
Woman:Yeah,that's why I don't go there anymore!
Guy:what do you do for a living?
Woman:I'm a female impersonator.
Guy:your body is like a temple!
Woman:Sorry,there are no services today.
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| Posted by Stephanie J. Gladue on 10-Aug-2005 | Speeding grannyEmma was a little old lady in a nursing home who would spend the days speeding
through the hallways in her wheel chair. Every so often one of the orderlies
would say "Emma, pull over your speeding again. I need to see your drivers
liscense." Emma would pull over, dig around in her pocket, pull out a gumwrapper
or other piece of paper and hand it over. The they would tell her "Slow down"
With a giggle she would be on her way careening down the halls. She came
squealing around the corner only to find old Joe standing in his doorway with no
pants on. Emma pulled over to the side wailing "Oh no, not the breathalizer
again!"
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| Posted by Paul C. Randall on 10-Aug-2005 | Labor MachineScientists created a new invention that could reduce the pain of giving birth.
It gave some of the pain that the mother felt to the father. This was there
first experiment: One day a woman came who was in labor. They hooked the machine
up to her and the other end to her husband. As soon as she started feeling pain
they started transferring it to the husband. They gave him 10% of the pain. He
didn't feel anything. They gave him 20%. He still felt fine. 30%. No pain. 40%.
Pain free. 50%, 60%, 70%, 80%, 90% and then 100%. The father felt no pain
whatsoever and neither did the mother. All the doctors were glad they had a pain
free delivery. After the mother and father got home, they found the mailman dead
on their lawn.
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