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():nerd jokes (650): Camping Trip


Posted by michael barnacle on 13-Aug-2005

Camping Trip

Sally, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. So, she got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.

Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.

They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.

About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."

Sally replied, "I can't understand that. Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Casjun Employment Test (Derogatory)


Posted by Alien Offspring on 13-Aug-2005

Casjun Employment Test (Derogatory)

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun," so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says, "What the hell is that?"

Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Second question, same rules, but represent 99."

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.

The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat's 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."

Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir - 100."

The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha! Got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a hundred!"

Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start my job?"


   

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():nerd jokes (650): In lieu of TP


Posted by Lary on 13-Aug-2005

In lieu of TP

Two guys are driving on a desert highway and had gone a long time without seeing any buildings or bathrooms.

After a couple of hours like this one guy says "Hey man can you pull over I really gotta crap!"

The other guy said "sure" and pulls over. He then said "hey what are you gonna wipe with? i don't have anything in here. I know! Use a dollar!"

"All right that's better than nothing"

The guy comes back 5 minutes later with crap all over his hands and his pant legs.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!" the driver exclaimed.

He responded as if the driver was stupid and said "well you would have crap all over your hands too if you wiped with 3 quarters, 2 times and a n


   

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():nerd jokes (650): First time at Football


Posted by Eddi J. Mur on 13-Aug-2005

First time at Football

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she like the game.

"I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents," she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'"


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Hazards of smoking pot


Posted by the politically correct funny PERSON on 13-Aug-2005
Hazards of smoking pot
A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject, the evils of marijuana. Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors:

"Used regularly, pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!"

"Now wait a minute, Professor," interrupted a student. "Castration?!? That's absurd!"

"No young man, it's sadly true," replied the Teacher smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Pool Table Pleasure


Posted by Amy Joan on 13-Aug-2005
Pool Table Pleasure
Q: How do you please a pool table?

A: Put your hands down its pockets and tickle its balls!!


   

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