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| Posted by Jay k. Maroony on 10-Aug-2005 | Can you pass this ball?Dwayne showed up at the practice field to fry out for the Kansas State
football team.
"What position do you wanna play?" asked the coach.
"Quarterback!" answered Dwayne.
The coach handed him a football and said, "Do you think you can pass this
ball?"
"Hell!" said the boy. "If'n I can swallow it, I know I can pass it.
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| Posted by Frances Anne on 10-Aug-2005 | MATH THEOREM OF PYTHAGORASThere were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an
island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had been fighting over for
years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out
to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle,
the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight.
The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of
whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second
kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp
was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was
only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from
a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the
knight polished his own armor.
When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to
fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle
raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from
the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus
proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the
squares of the other two sides.
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| Posted by Hugo d. Padilla on 10-Aug-2005 | Ludwig von Beethoven, 1770-1827.A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears
some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally
locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that
reads:
Ludwig von Beethoven, 1770-1827.
Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played
backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with
him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time
it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played
backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.
When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again
backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse
order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the
next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They
are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the
graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if
he has an explanation for the music.
"Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously.
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| Posted by Snah Nesenra on 11-Aug-2005 | Top causes of Oakwood Fire AlarmsTop Causes of Oakwood Fire Alarms
1. Aeresol spray cans.
2. Fog machines.
3. Southsiders burning popcorn in the old microwave.
4. System glitch.
5. Southsiders burning popcorn in the old microwave...again.
6. See number 5.
7. System glitch...again.
8. Southsiders burning popcorn in the new microwave.
9. It's our good old friend, system glitch.
10. yet to be determined.
In short, between the southsiders and the fact that our alarm system is a piece of slag, we have had only 1 planned drill.
P.S. All of the above like to occur at 2:00 a.m. or later.
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| Posted by Alison Barnes on 11-Aug-2005 | College MajorsSuppose you have a professor hold up two apples and asks a class "How many objects am I holding?" you would probably get different responses from different majors like....
Business: Two Juicy, delious apples that are on sale at my store.
Chemistry: 6x10^30 apple molecules
History: You are holding dinosaur poop
Music: You are holding two objects that if you drop them you will get a D4
Education: Two Apples
Accounting: You are holding one apple because the other one has to go to the government as tax
Psycology: What objects?
Math: You are holding two sets of objects, that take up a finite amount of space called apples.
English: You are holding two lush pieces of fruit, that are nourishing and remind me of my dog Fido. Fido thy sweet fruit. So nourshing in my time of need, you fill me up with......
Art: Two apples (Ha, Ha...Thank goodness for photoshop. The perfect oportunity to take a picture of the professor and alter the picture so that I have a blackmail photo).
Computer Science: Two apples (I'll take the art major's picture and post it on my website for all to see, and add links so that people could find similar pictures(and I make $)).
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| Posted by Gary Jensen on 11-Aug-2005 | UNC Chapel HellQ: How many UNC-Chapel Hill students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds the bulb and lets the world revolve around him.
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