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| Posted by andrew on 14-Aug-2005 | Candy Bars Rejected by Hersheys16. Kevorkian Krunch -- dying for some chocolate?
15. Spittles
14. The 100,000 Peso Bar
13. Hershey's Hickeys -- when Kisses just ain't enough...
12. Reese's Peanut Butter D-Cups
11. Buttafucofinger
10. Rocky Mountain Oyster Pops
9. Prunettes -- for the mature Raisinette lover
8. Malted Mothballs
7. Boutros-Boutros Bon-Bons
6. Pepsodent Patty
5. Phlegm & M's
4. Leper Bears -- melt in your mouth AND in your hands
3. Boogerfinger
2. That Ain't Nougat!
1. Zits Ahoy
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| Posted by Anna P. Crist on 14-Aug-2005 | Things to do at a Fast Food Drive Thru1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
2. Drive through backwards.
3. Belch your order.
4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
6. Walk through.
7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
8. Repeat everything the order taker says.
9. Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.
10. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please".
11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out ofnline and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.
12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.
14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.
17. One word: Flatulence!
18. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.
19. If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".
20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.
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| Posted by Sam Tucker on 14-Aug-2005 | Biggest Lies3 Biggest Software Lies:
- The program's fully tested and bugfree.
- We're working on the documentation.
- Of course we can modify it.
3 Biggest Computer Room Lies:
- As long as you remember to 'SAVE' your input, you'll never lose any files.
- We run the stuff through as fast as it comes in the door.
- The new machines on order.
3 Biggest Large Company Lies:
- We have an entrepreneurial spirit here.
- People are our greatest resource.
- We say 'let the marketplace decide'.
3 Biggest Small Company Lies:
- We have an entrepreneurial spirit here.
- The boss is just one of the guys.
- Staying small is a conscious decision.
3 Biggest Marketing Lies:
- Immediate delivery?...No problem.
- We treat every customer as if they were our most important.
- We're going out to lunch to talk business.
3 Biggest Engineering Professor's Lies:
- Some day this course will come in handy.
- These tests are more trouble for me than they are for you.
- This is the way they do it in industry.
3 Biggest Executive Lies:
- Money...it's just a score card.
- If it were up to me, there'd be no assigned parking spaces.
- You have to twist my arm to get me to go on a business trip.
3 Biggest undergraduate student starting Physics Lies:
- There are plenty of jobs out there for Physics graduates.
- You'll make lots of money in your proffessional career.
- The general public respect Physicists.
3 Biggest student teacher lies:
- The school will help and support you all they can.
- This teaching course is interesting and stimulating.
- Kids today are just the same as when you went to school.
3 Biggest advertising lies:
- This product will taste as good as it looks.
- You really need our product.
- If you use our product you will have sex with the same kinds of people as you see in our ad.
3 Biggest mail order lies:
- Delivery of your product will occur within 30 days of ordering it.
- If you're not satisfied with our product we will guarentee a full refund.
- We offer repair of your product free of charge with an accredited repairer in your home State.
3 Biggest retail industry lies:
- Our staff are courteous and considerate.
- We try to help you with your problem.
- You can exchange or get full refund on an item that you're not satisfied with.
3 Biggest politician lies:
- I'll be factual and to the point.
- I'll give you a straightforward answer to your question.
- The government doesn't waste taxpayers money.
3 Biggest parent lies:
- We're doing this for your own interest.
- You can have that (do that) later (when you're older).
- The family can't afford it now.
3 Biggest supermodels lies:
- Women normally look like that.
- Women should look like that.
- Fasting and dieting is good for your health.
3 Biggest beer ads lies:
- Drinking beer is for macho men only.
- You'll meet good lifelong friends drinking beer in a bar.
- Women think drunken loudmouths are sexy.
3 Biggest life lies:
- ..and they lived happily ever after.
- Dying is painless.
- Things have gotten so bad that they couldn't possibly get worse.
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| Posted by Amy M. Poh on 14-Aug-2005 | Top Ten Drug Using Cartoon Characters10. Gargamel
Most likely LSD. spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in faggy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. what does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
9. Olive Oil
Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny?! she might even be anorexic, she IS always giving her burger to her friend. One side question, what the hell are Popey and Brutus thinking? They almost made the list for courting her.
8. Snagglepuss
Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.
7. He-Man
This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. "BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!" Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the shit in his pet tiger. Animal Abuse.
6.& 5.
Yogi and Boo Boo We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip. Another side ? - Are they gay? I mean, take a look at boo boo.
4. Droopy
The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip him an upper every year or two? The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe.
3. Dopey Dwarf
He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they are under investigations. Allegations that Doc is writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys are partaking are afloat.
2. Daffy Duck
If he isn't using crack, Merion Barry is clean. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time. Some symptoms might be from "daffiness" but Haldol wouldn't work for him. Might for his buddy with Tourettes, Porky though.
1. Shaggy
By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode does pot. And Look at the way him and his friends painted that van!
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| Posted by pyro_chaos78102 on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Scenes Cut from "Titanic"16. Hilarity ensues when someone replaces the life jackets with whoopee cushions.
15. Right after the ship hits the iceberg, the Captain hits the First Mate over the head with his cap, saying "Gilligan, you idiot!"
14. P-Funk Mothership descends on the quarterdeck and plays "Aqua Boogie" while Sir Nose d'Voidoffunk wails that he can't swim.
13. Twenty passengers cling to Kate Winslet's implants for safety.
12. Crazy French skunk sneaks on board and tries to romance Rose's black cat, who rubbed against a freshly-painted white pole.
11. Sexy young Strom Thurmond is saved when his new friend, Sven, the handsome Swedish steward, heroically gives up his lifeboat seat.
10. Battle over survivors breaks out between the "Carpathia" and the "Kevorkian."
9. Gopher, Isaac, and Doc escaping on a lifeboat with some stolen jewels and divorcees Karen Valentine, Connie Stevens and Charo.
8. At the 2:20 minutes mark, dinner guest #5 throws down his napkin and exclaims, "Will this damned thing ever end?!?"
7. A computer-generated Herve Villachaise screaming, "De berg, Boss, de berg!"
6. Fearing theme song will "go on forever," Celine Dion's grandmother leaps from lifeboat.
5. The evil fianc?© reveals that he's Jack's father and suggests they overthrow the Captain and rule the ship together as father and son.
4. Kathie Lee belting out, "If they could see me drown..."
3. Blooper in which Marlon Brando's "iceberg" makeup slips off.
2. Wanting his Scotch "on the rocks," First Mate Skippy Hazelwood deliberately steers the ship into the iceberg.
1. Captain Clinton shows Rose his dinghy.
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| Posted by Champ on 14-Aug-2005 | Top 15 Signs You're Dating a Control Freak15. During lovemaking, remains levitated just above a perfectly made bed and insists you do likewise.
14. Not only cuts up your steak for you, but numbers it as well.
13. The blindfold. The cuffs. The way she makes you yell "Thank you, Ms. Reno! May I have another?"
12. After you reach over to unlock his car door, he makes you do it again the *right* way.
11. He accedes to a romantic horse and buggy ride through Central Park -- *if* they let him drive.
10. Becomes furious if you have on your Tuesday socks at 11:30 pm Monday night.
9. He's carrying a copy of "Men are From Mars, Women Should Just Do What I Say."
8. "You idiot! That's not how you send a submission to the Top 5 list! Here, give me that keyboard."
7. If you use the wrong fork at dinner, she jabs the correct one into your neck.
6. When you threaten to leave her, she responds screaming, "And do what, Pretty Boy? Another AAMCO commercial?!?"
5. Swears she wouldn't correct you about your breathing if you weren't "doing it all wrong."
4. She sits on the couch and heckles that sloppy Martha Stewart Show.
3. Refuses to let you call Mia on Mother's Day.
2. His TV remote has a PIN number.
1. She keeps telling you that even though you're just a humble boy from Arkansas now, if you stick with her, you'll be President someday.
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