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():nerd jokes (650): Casjun Employment Test (Derogatory) |
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| Posted by Alien Offspring on 13-Aug-2005 | Casjun Employment Test (Derogatory)A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun," so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What the hell is that?"
Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Second question, same rules, but represent 99."
Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat's 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."
Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir - 100."
The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha! Got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a hundred!"
Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start my job?"
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():nerd jokes (650): Is the Human Race Doomed Through Stupidity? |
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| Posted by Fred Kohn on 13-Aug-2005 | Is the Human Race Doomed Through Stupidity?
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer products that may tell us that we are;
1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
12. On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)-
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
17. On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
18. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
20. On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
21. On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
22. On some frozen dinners
SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.
23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box
FITS ONE HEAD.
24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
26. On Nytol sleep aid
WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
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