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():school humor (1428): Changing Schools.


Posted by Mary J. Brooks on 12-Aug-2005

Changing Schools.

A ten year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail.

Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door.

For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.

This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened, laid it on the dinner table, and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red 'A' under the subject of Math. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.

"Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked.
The boy shook his head and said, "No."

"Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"
"No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"
"No", said the son.

"On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the Plus Sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
   

2 people have rated this joke:
6.00/10
     

():school humor (1428): If you're stupid


Posted by leigh ann hunt on 13-Aug-2005

If you're stupid

The teacher asked that if anyone thinks they are stupid to stand up. The class is shocked when they see Nick stand up.

The teacher asks Nick "why are you standing up?" Nick replies: "I didn't want you to feel alone"


   

4 people have rated this joke:
6.00/10
     

():school humor (1428): Final Exam


Posted by T E. S on 11-Aug-2005

Final Exam

A retiring Phys Chem professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well-kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet: "Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with proof."
He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. There are two possible conditions:

Condition One: if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose.
Conversely, Condition Two: if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me during my first year residence. Since I have still not been successful in obtaining sexual relations with her, condition two above has not been met, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and hell is exothermic.
   

16 people have rated this joke:
5.75/10
     

():school humor (1428): Canada vs. USA


Posted by French Fry Sweetie on 13-Aug-2005

Canada vs. USA

An American is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The American ignores the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:

Canadian: "You American folk eat the whole bread??" American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Canada, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Canadian has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Canadian persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Canadian: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Canada we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states."

The American then asks: "Do you have sex in Canada?"

Canadian: "Why of course we do", the Canadian says with a big smirk.

American: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Canadian: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Canada.


   

2 people have rated this joke:
5.50/10
     

():school humor (1428): Paper or Plastic?


Posted by J Burns on 12-Aug-2005
Paper or Plastic?
One day a guy went to a grocery store and the bagger boy asked him "Paper
or Plastic" and the man said, "Uh...paper I guess."

Then the bagger boy said your total is $56.35.

The man took out his wallet and said "Real or Counterfeit".
   

8 people have rated this joke:
5.38/10
     

():school humor (1428): Dirty Grand Canyon Riddle


Posted by Marie-Eve Gagne on 13-Aug-2005
Dirty Grand Canyon Riddle
Q: What do tourists pay guides to do at the grand canyon?

A: To let them mount their ass and ride in the crack!


   

3 people have rated this joke:
5.33/10
     

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