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| Posted by rochy on 09-Aug-2005 | Charge By The InchHaving had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side.
An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey ! How about it babe ? You and me ?"
As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars."
She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch ?"
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| Posted by Cowardly Lion on 09-Aug-2005 | The HealerA semi-crippled Libertarian came into a bar and with difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the bar stool, pulled himself up and asked for a sip of whiskey.
He looked down the bar and asked, "Is that Jesus down there?"
The bartender nodded and the Libertarian told him to give Jesus a whiskey also.
The next patron was an ailing Republican with a hunched back who moved slowly.
He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of wine. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus.
The bartender nodded and the Republican said to give Him a glass of wine also.
The third patron, a Democrat, swaggered in and said "Barkeep, give me a cold beer.
Hey, is that Jesus down there?"
The barkeep nodded, and the Democrat told him to give Jesus a cold one too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over and touched the Libertarian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"
The Libertarian felt the strength come back to his leg, and he got up and danced a jig all the way to the door.
Jesus touched the republican and said, "For your kindness you are healed!"
The Republican felt his back straighten. He danced with joy and did a flip.
As Jesus walked toward the Democrat, the Democrat jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawing disability!"
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| Posted by Stacy K on 09-Aug-2005 | Shouting the BarA drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender does just as the drunk requested and hands the man a bill for $57.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender gets angry and throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He gets furious, picks the guy up and hurls him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill.
In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "You! No way! You get too violent when you drink!"
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| Posted by cheri shuler on 09-Aug-2005 | GrasshopperA grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
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| Posted by John Tarrants on 09-Aug-2005 | Wrong End Of The BarThis really tough Hells-Angel type bursts into a bar and strides up to the middle of the bar.
He orders a beer, gulps it down, turns to the people at the left end of the bar and growls "All you down there... You're all a bunch of queer cock suckers!"
He then gulps down a second beer and turns to the right side of the bar... "You're all a bunch of stupid mother fuckers."
All is still for a moment until a guy at the right end gets up. The Hells Angel says "Where the fuck you going?"
The guy says "I'm at the wrong end of the bar."
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| Posted by D. Eliasoff on 09-Aug-2005 | Whats the Pubs NameA man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Hi stranger, my name is Mike. I'll give you a free beer if you can guess the name of this bar in three tries."
The man says, "Thanks...Mike's Place?"
"Nope."
"Mike's Tavern?"
"No,"
"Mike's Pub?"
"No, but here's a free beer anyway. Nobody ever get's it. The joint's name is Sally's Leggs!
"That's a good one." the man says and proceeds to get royally ripped.
The next morning the man is still drunk and sitting on a curb, when a cop pulls up and ask's him what he is doing there. He responds, "I'm just waiting for Sally's Leggs to open, so I can wet my whistle!"
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