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| Posted by Yo Momma on 09-Aug-2005 | Chatting Up the BeauTwo men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner.
One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl."
The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken shit."
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm contemplating on matrimony, and I'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend "So what did she say?"
asks the friend.
The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni, and would rather shit in her pants."
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| Posted by Babidoll on 09-Aug-2005 | Six Double VodkasA guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back...
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
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| Posted by Jr Sand on 09-Aug-2005 | Bridge JumpingThere were two men sitting in a bar drinking. One man said to the other "You know what? I know this bridge, where you can jump off and you bounce right back.
" So the other man says, "No way that's ridiculous. It simply cannot be possible."
The first replies, "Come on, I'll show is to you then."
So the men, both quite tipsy, saunter out of the bar and walk to the bridge. When they arrive at the bridge the first man say??™s, "Here I'll show you how it works."
So he climbs up on the edge and jumps off. Seconds later low and behold the man seems to just bounce back up astounding the second man.
The second man says "Hey man, do that again! I can't believe it..." So the first jumps off again and immediately comes flying back up again.
After seeing this the second man decides to give it a try, after all it all seems quite safe, so he climbs up and jumps off.
After a few moments, the second man doesn't return, so the first man walks back to the bar, sits down and orders another drink.
The bartender after noticing the second man is missing, turns to the first man and says, "Superman, you're so damn cruel when you're drunk!"
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| Posted by Josh Morton on 09-Aug-2005 | We're LesbiansThis man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."
The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."
The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads.
About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."
The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."
The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"
The first lady says, "We're lesbians."
The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"
The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussy's."
The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."
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| Posted by Darren N. Doyle on 09-Aug-2005 | Panda In A BarA panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.
He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey, Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a Panda! Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
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| Posted by Katie on 09-Aug-2005 | Give Me A ....A brunette walks into a bar and says, "Gimme an ML." The bartender says, " What's an ML?" She says, " A Miller Light."
Another Brunette walks in and says, "Gimme a BL." The bartender says, "What's a BL?" She says, "Bud Light."
A dumb blonde walks in and says, "Gimme a 15." The bar tender says," What's a fifteen?" She says," 7&7, duh!"
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