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| Posted by Rhody J. Corcoran on 09-Aug-2005 | Cheap drinkerA man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with five whiskey shots, and make 'em doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all five are gone almost as quickly as they were served.
Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doin' all this drinking.
"You'd drink 'em this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
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| Posted by ViperBoy on 09-Aug-2005 | NY bartenderA guy is tending bar at a sophisticated NY party when two nose-in-the-air women approach.
"So, where y'all from?" he asks.
"We are from," one of them answers, "somewhere where people don't end their sentences with prepositions."
"Oh," says the bartender. "So, where y'all from, bitch!"
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| Posted by Esther Hodgson on 09-Aug-2005 | Cowboy in barThis big rough lookin cowboy walks into the bar. He orders up bottle after bottle of rottgutt liquor and proceeds to get really wasted...In the process he manages to anger just about everyone in the bar by being offensive and rude and being a big obnoxious fool...
Finally he finishes up his 5th bottle and decides he's had just about enough. He proceeds to get up and swagger out of the bar.
He gets outside to untie his horse from the post and he notices someone has painted his horses balls a real bright shade of yellow.
This pisses him off immensely so he proceeds to blow back into the bar, slamming the doors open and yelling out at the top of his lungs. "JUST WHO IN THE SAM-HELL PAINTED MY HORSES BALLS YELLOW!!!!"
After everyone in the bar rustles around a bit, a guy in the back of the bar stands up. This guy is HUGE, at least 6'10'' tall, pure muscle...
He says to the cowboy, "I did, so what do you got to say about it, boy!!!"
The cowboy looks back at this guy and says "Oh, I was going to let you know the first coat of paint is dry."
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| Posted by maddog on 09-Aug-2005 | 5 shotsOne day a guy walks in a bar and asks for five shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guy says, "I found out my brother is gay."
The same guy, comes in the next day and asks for ten shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guys says, "I found out my other brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes in and asks for fifteen shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guy says, "I found out my other brother is gay."
The bartender says, "Doesn't anyone like pussy anymore?"
The guy says, "Yeah, my sister."
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| Posted by Scott Richey on 09-Aug-2005 | Frog and rat in barA guy walks into a bar. He tells the bartender he has no money, but in exchange for a beer he'll show him a trick he'll never forget.
The bartender shakes his head but goes ahead and gives the man a beer.
The guy takes a rat out of one pocket and a frog out of another. The rat scurries over to the bar's piano and plays a tune. The frog belts out the song in perfect harmony with the rat's piano playing.
A few minutes later another man walks over and offers the customer $100 for the frog. He instantly accepts, and gives the other man the frog.
"Are you nuts?" the bartender asks. "That frog could be worth a fortune to you."
"Don't be so sure," the customer says. "The rat's a ventriloquist."
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| Posted by Katie on 09-Aug-2005 | Guy talks to barmanCustomer: (to bartender)
"My wife and I just got into a knock down, drag out fight!"
Bartender: What happened?
Customer: When it was all over, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees!
Bartender: Wow! What did she say?
Customer: She said, "come out from under that bed right now you coward or I'll kick your butt again!!"
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