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| Posted by Christina M. Ashworth on 08-Aug-2005 | CheatingMasterbating is like cheating. It's fun until you realize you are only screwing yourself!!!
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| Posted by Vanessa Leyden on 09-Aug-2005 | The only cure for insomniaThe only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Just "before" someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
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1 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by ASS HOLE on 09-Aug-2005 | Does 'virgin wool' come fromDoes 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
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2 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Avi Marcus on 09-Aug-2005 | Tell a man that thereTell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
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| Posted by Anna P. Crist on 09-Aug-2005 | When it rains, why don'tWhen it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
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| Posted by Irena Z. Paluch on 09-Aug-2005 | When I'm not in myWhen I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good!
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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| Posted by Ashley N. Funny on 09-Aug-2005 | Why is the word abbreviationWhy is the word abbreviation so long?
How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
You know how most packages say "Open here".What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings do orientals throw hamburgers?
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| Posted by Hom Chkn on 09-Aug-2005 | What does Geronimo say whenWhat does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
How do you KNOW it's new and improved dog food?
Why do they put locks on the doors of 24-hour stores?
What do they use to ship styrofoam?
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| Posted by AcOuStIcFlAmEs on 09-Aug-2005 | When it rains, why don'tWhen it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can't it get us out?
The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.
Money isn't everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
Why do they report power outages on TV?
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| Posted by DeLio on 09-Aug-2005 | Why is it called rushWhy is it called rush hour when everything moves so slow?
Why do they call then express lanes when during rush hour everything is stopped?
Why is abreviation such a long word?
If sour milk is used to make yogurt, how do you know when yogurt has gone bad?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
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| Posted by Ned Ryerson on 09-Aug-2005 | Why are builders afraid toWhy are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver's side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.
After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?
This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulence or a firetruck.
I went out today and bought everything I've been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.
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| Posted by Dick Richardson on 09-Aug-2005 | Why do they report powerWhy do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
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| Posted by Max Hooper on 09-Aug-2005 | If pro is the oppositeIf pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
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| Posted by Timothy J. Russin on 09-Aug-2005 | If vegetarians eat vegetables, whatIf vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Don`t think that you`re thinking. If you think that you're thinking you only think that you're thinking.
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
If a train station is where a train stops, what is a workstation?
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?
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| Posted by duffmanitt on 09-Aug-2005 | Who is General failure andWho is General failure and why is he reading my disk ?
The light went out, but where to ?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?
How come when I call Information they can't tell me where my keys are?
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| Posted by Marlene R. Ehlers on 09-Aug-2005 | If corn oil comes fromIf corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose?
Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?
How did a fool and his money GET together?
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| Posted by mariana a on 09-Aug-2005 | Why is there an expirationWhy is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
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| Posted by Halli on 09-Aug-2005 | Why not modern Latin: VENI,Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA - I came, I saw, I shopped.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
Strange! No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
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| Posted by Pumpkin Pie on 09-Aug-2005 | How can there be self-helpHow can there be self-help "groups"?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
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| Posted by Smoker Wiedman on 09-Aug-2005 | If someone with multiple personalitiesIf someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If you yelled at your plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
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| Posted by Cujo on 09-Aug-2005 | Monday is an awful wayMonday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
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| Posted by Ana N. Facchin on 09-Aug-2005 | So what's the speed ofSo what's the speed of dark?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
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| Posted by Chris S. Porter on 09-Aug-2005 | How come wrong numbers areHow come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?
Does killing time damage eternity?
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| Posted by Anton Ko on 09-Aug-2005 | The 50-50-90 rule: AnytimeThe 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
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| Posted by sorin s. dohanes on 09-Aug-2005 | The severity of the itchThe severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
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| Posted by Jamie on 09-Aug-2005 | Why do we send cargoWhy do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?
Why call it a building if it's already been built?
Why do kamikazee pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
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| Posted by nikki engelmann on 09-Aug-2005 | Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do starsDo pilots take crash-courses?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
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| Posted by William S. McDarmont on 09-Aug-2005 | How can there be self-helpHow can there be self-help "groups"?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
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| Posted by sexy bugger on 09-Aug-2005 | Why do we say somethingWhy do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
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| Posted by Prankster (Jake) on 09-Aug-2005 | I tried sniffing Coke once,I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes froze the end of my nose.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Why is the word big so little and the word little so big?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
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