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| Posted by Eddie Hojeij on 09-Aug-2005 | CheckupA lady goes to the gynaecologist for an exam.
While examining her, the doctor asks, "So, did you ever have a check-up here before?"
"No" she replied, "but i have had a couple of Germans and a Russian"
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| Posted by herman g. romanutti on 09-Aug-2005 | The Ugly BabyThis woman on the train had an ugly baby. I know an ugly baby when I see one. And I only glimpsed it. This fellow enters the coach. He's half smashed. And he gets to the seat where the woman is with the baby ...
She heard him when he said to himself, "Damn!"
She said, "What are you looking at?"
The guy said, "I'm lookin' at that ugly baby. That's a bad-lookin' baby, lady ..."
The woman took this as an offence. She pulls the emergency cord, the train stops, and the conductor comes in. The lady says, "This man just insulted me ..."
The conductor says, "Now calm down, lady. The railroad will go to any extent to avoid having differences with the passengers. Perhaps it would be to your convenience if we were to rearrange your seating. And as a small compensation from the railroad, if you'll accompany me to the dining car, we'll give you a free meal. And maybe we'll find a banana for your monkey."
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| Posted by RAVE KING on 09-Aug-2005 | Spilt CoffeeA man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the waitress came over to take his order."
. . .and to drink?"
she asked. The man said he would like coffee. The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man's lap when she stopped at the table.
"Oh my God; I am so sorry!" "That's OK," the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin - "but tell me, is this regular or decaf?"
"Regular," she replied.
"Oh great, now this thing is going to be up all night!"
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| Posted by Michael C. Basquill on 09-Aug-2005 | Mother on the PhoneA man answers the phone and has the following conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is.
"Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her.
"You were perfectly right.
"You want to speak with her? All right."
He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room:
"Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"
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| Posted by The Almighty Gino on 09-Aug-2005 | All Out of AnaesthetA dentist ran out of anaesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled. He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient's butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth extraction. It all happened in an instant. The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The signal was given, and the nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the tooth. Afterwards, the dentist asked, "Hurt much?"
The patient hesitated, "Didn't hardly feel it come out. And, man, those roots were really deep!"
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| Posted by LiL anGeL on 09-Aug-2005 | Replacing JoeJoe, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.
So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe's job.
"They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.
At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor's side.
"Governor," the man said.
"Is there a chance that I could take Joe's place?"
"Certainly," the governor replied.
"But you'd better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."
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