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():animal jokes (1719): Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire |
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| Posted by Brid Edwards on 14-Aug-2005 | Chet's nuts roasting on an open fireA married man is shopping in a mall for a christmas present for
his wife because he had forgotten to buy it until the day
arrived. He walks into a pet store to get a unique and unusual
present for his wife. He looks through the categories of
animals, but can't find anything, so he asks an assistant if
there is anything unique in the store because he needs to find
something quick. The assistant thinks for awhile then says,"yes,
we have a parrot that can sing christmas carols." The man
becomes ecstatic about this and asks the assistant to show him
the parrot. As he is shown the parrot, the assistant tells him
that the parrot's name is Chet and the parrot will only sing if
you warm up his feet with a match. So the assistant pulls out a
match and lights it, he then puts it under the parrots foot.
This causes the parrot to sing "Jingle bells", and the man say,"
Wow, i've never seen anything like this." The man then asks if
the parrot can sing anything else. The assistant puts the match
under Chet's left foot. Chet then sings "silent night". The man
is amazed and buys Chet. He takes Chet home and shows his wife
everything that it can do, and she's amazed. The wife asks what
would happen if they put the match between Chet's legs. He
replies," I don't know, lets try it." Without saying more they
light a match and put it between Chet's legs. Then Chet clears
his throat and starts singing, Chet's nuts roasting on an open
fire..............
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():animal jokes (1719): The Brown Cow, the White Cow, and the Bull |
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| Posted by Christopher J. Sando on 14-Aug-2005 | The Brown Cow, the White Cow, and the BullOn a farm lived a boy and his mom. The farm had a brown cow, a white cow,
and a bull. So, one day the boy runs to his mother and says, "Mommy,
mommy, the bull is fucking the brown cow." The mom looks at him harshly
and replies, "No, son, you have to say the bull surprised the brown cow."
The next day the son runs to his mom and before he can say anything the
mom said, "I know what you are going to say, the bull SURPRISED the white
cow." The son said, "He sure did, he fucked the brown one again."
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| Posted by Briman B. Briman on 14-Aug-2005 | Horse FarmThis guy owns a horse farm and gets a call from a friend. "I know this
midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse. I'm sending him
over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouth?" So the owner picks up the
midget and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouth. Can I thee her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the midget and
shows him the eyes.
"Ok, what about her earth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks
up the midget one more time and shows the ears.
"OK, finally, I'd like to thee her twat." With that, the owner picks up
the midget and shoves his head up the horse's vagina, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like
to thee her run!"
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| Posted by kristin n. marek on 14-Aug-2005 | CoyotesThis woman is driving into a small town and slams on the
brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just
as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy
runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind
legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my God!" she exclaims and
drives into town to find the local law.
She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town
bar. "It figures," she says as she storms inside. The first
thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard
sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff
who's sitting at the bar with his drink.
"What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into
town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal...
and then... I come in here.... and see this old man in the
corner jacking-off right in public!?"
"Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "You don't expect
him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"
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| Posted by *DevilGrl* on 14-Aug-2005 | Elephant and Cherry TreeHow do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
Paint his balls red!
Whats the loudest noise in the jungle?
A girafe eating cherrys.
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| Posted by ammooni on 14-Aug-2005 | Explorer's New TransplantsAn explorer was flying over Africa and his plane crashed.
Luckily a witch doctor came and found him and brought him back
to his village. When the explorer became conscious again the
witch docter told the explorer, "I have some good news and some
bad news." So the explorer says, "Well, whats the bad news?"
"The bad news is that in the plane crash you lost your eye, your
arm, and your dingy." The explorer asks, "Whats the good news?"
"I am a animal transplanter and when you were unconscious I
trasplanted animal parts to you." The explorer asks, "Is there
any way I can thank you???" "Just check in with me in 2 weeks."
When the explorer goes back to see the witch docter he says, "I
love this eye I can see a sparrow scratching his ass 40 yards
away!! what is it???" "That eye would be an eagle eye." "Oh I
love it. And this arm I can lift a car with this arm!!! What is
it???" "That's a gorilla arm." "I like this one too. There is
only one thing wrong about the dingy you gave me." "Well what
seems to be the problem?" "You see, I love it, the ladies love
it, but it keeps shoving grass up my ass?? What is it???" "That
would be an elephant trunk."
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