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| Posted by Robert L. Blake on 08-Aug-2005 | ChickenQ: Why did the cat cross the road?
A: It was the chicken??™s day off.
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| Posted by i p Freely on 08-Aug-2005 | TaxidermistMy brother tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school. His new
business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money.
His new slogan was:
"No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back!"
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| Posted by Jeremy A. Bennett on 08-Aug-2005 | Movie dogA man follows a woman out of a movie theater. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says:
"I??™m sorry to bother you, but I couldn??™t help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Don??™t you find that unusual?" "Yes," she replied, "I find it very unusual... He hated the book!"
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| Posted by Nick G. on 08-Aug-2005 | LonelyA guy was stranded on a lonely island with only a pitbull and a pig for company. There was plenty of food and fresh water, so he was doing alright for a few months. But eventually the loneliness got to him, if you know what I mean.
The pig started to look more and more attractive - soft, pink skin, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy tried to make an advance towards the pig, the pitbull growled at him. Once he almost got bit. The guy was getting very frustrated.
One day a life raft washed ashore. In it was a beautiful unconscious woman. The guy carried her back to his hut and nursed her back to health. After a few days the woman regained her strength and said: "Thank you, thank you so much for saving my life! I don??™t know how I can ever repay you. I??™ll do anything for you, anything you want!" The guy thought for a moment and said, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
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| Posted by Meg B on 08-Aug-2005 | Whoops!After a long day at the office, Chris came home one day to find his dog with the neighbor??™s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead. Chris panicked!
"If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they'll hate me forever," he thought. So he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur. Chris knew his neighbors kept their backdoor open during the summer, so he snuck inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.
A couple of days later Chris and his neighbor saw each other outside."Did you hear that Fluffy died?" the neighbor asked.
"Oh. Uhmm... Sorry to hear that. What happened?" Chris mumbled. The neighbor replied: "We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the strange thing is that the
day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage! There are some really sick people out there!"
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| Posted by Crappy Poop on 08-Aug-2005 | The snailOne Sunday morning John stepped out onto the porch in his bathrobe to pick up his newspaper. He noticed a snail on the paper, so he picked it up and flung it across the front lawn onto the sidewalk.
On another Sunday morning, about two years later, John was out on the porch again to pick up his paper, when he noticed a snail on the paper. It was the same snail.
Bill looked at the snail. The snail looked at Bill.
Then the snail said: "Now, was that REALLY necessary?!"
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