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| Posted by candy gram on 14-Aug-2005 | Christmas ParrottA man walks into a pet store and tells the owner that he is
looking for a parrot that sings Christmas carols. The owner
tells him that he is in luck becuase they just got one in that
day. So the man asks to see it.
It is a beautiful bird, and the man is very excited, so he askes
how you get it to sing. "Oh that's simple," answers the shop
owner, "all you have to do is hold a lighter up to the bird's
body and it will sing different songs."
So the man gets out his lighter and holds it up to the birds
left wing and it sings "Jingle Bells", he is impressed. He then
holds it up to the right wing, and the bird starts to sing
"Frosty the Snowman", when the lighter got held up to the birds
stomach it started to sing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer."
Finally the man holds the lighter up under the bird's tail, and
without a moments hesitation the parrot starts to sing "Chesnuts
Roasting on an Open Fire."
Ha Ha Ha you know you love it!! :)
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| Posted by Joe Skager on 14-Aug-2005 | The ParrotA lady was waiting for a plumber to arrive to fix her sink. She
figured she had a couple minutes before he came so she ran out
to do an errand. As soon as she left the plumber showed up. The
plumber rang the doorbell.
"Who is it?" said the lady's parrot ("Who is it" was the only
phrase it ever learned)
"It's the plumber" shouted the plumber.
"Who is it?" repeated the parrot
"It's the plumber" the plumber said a little louder.
"Who is it?" said the parrot.
"IT"S THE PLUMBER!" screamed the plumber.
"Who is it?"
"IT'S THE !@#$%^&* PLUMBER!" said the plumber while jumping up
and down and screaming. Suddenly the plumber had a heart attack.
The lady finally showed up at her door to see the man laying
dead on her front porch.
"who is it" asked the lady.
And the parrot chimed in with, "It's the plumber!"
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| Posted by Brian G. Hurley on 14-Aug-2005 | puddles? three ducks walk into a bar, the bar tender askes the first one
"whats your name?" the duck replies "tom, i've had a wonderfull
day i've been playing in puddles in and out over and through! it
was fun!" the bar tender says "i bet it was" and he goes to the
seconde duck "whats your name?" the duck replies "i am dick, and
i've had a wonderfull day i was playing in puddles in and out
over and through it was fun!" and the bartender says "i bet it
was" then he goes to the third duck "i bet your name is harry!"
"no" the duck replies "my name is puddles and you don't wanna no
what kind of day i had".
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| Posted by Ryan I. Mehmi on 14-Aug-2005 | The Horse in the BarA man walks into a bar one day to see a horse tied up to a stool
with a bucket full of five dollar bills beside him. The man goes
up to the bartender and says,"Hey, whats going on with the
horse?" the bartender replies, "You put five dollars into that
bucket and if you can make that horse laugh, you can take home
all the money." the guy figures its worth a shot so he puts five
dollars into the bucket and whispers into the horses ear. The
horse looks dazed for a moment and then starts laughing
uncontrolably. The man picks up the bucket and silently walks
out.
The next day, the same man walks into the same bar and sees the
same horse. He goes up to the bartender and says, "same thing
today?" the bartender says, "Nah, today you gotta make him cry"
so the guy puts a five into the bucket and leads the horse into
another room. A couple of minutes later the guy and the horse
come back. The horse is sobbing and weeping all over the place.
The man picks up the bucket and is about to walk out the door
when the bartender says, "Hey, pal, wait up. What did you do to
that animal? I've got to know." The man smiles and simply
replies, "Well the first day I told the horse I had a bigger
dick than he did, and today I proved it."
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| Posted by lil'devil on 14-Aug-2005 | Dead catA little boy went up to his mum one day and said: "guess what
mummy? I found a dead cat!" So his mum said "are you sure it's
dead?"
The little boy said - "yes! I know it's dead because i pissed in
its ear and it didn't wake up!"
"You did WHAT??!!!" Exclaimed his mother.
"you know" said her son "i went pssst in its ear and it didn't
stir!!"
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| Posted by Keith Mc Laughlin on 14-Aug-2005 | panda in pubA panda enters the pub and asks the barman for a pint and a blt.
The baramn serves him and carriess on with his job.
When the panda has finished his pint and his blt he gets up,
pulls out a gun and shoots dead the man playing the piano.
The panda is about the leave when the barman says "you can't
just leave, you have just shot my best piano player"
"Yes i can" says the panda. "you look panda up in the dictionary"
the barman is confused so he goes home and gets out his
dictionary. he looks up panda and there it says
"Panda - eats shoots and leaves"
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