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| Posted by RARA on 09-Aug-2005 | Clever PupilMother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"
Son: "Who threw the eraser at the teacher"
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| Posted by Bazigar on 09-Aug-2005 | Lucky SaucerA famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
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| Posted by Brennan A. Smith on 09-Aug-2005 | Murder MysteryA man finds his seat in the theatre, but it's too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher moves him to the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter and then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."
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| Posted by Matthew J. Rosen on 09-Aug-2005 | Deathbed LoansAs he lay on his deathbed George weakly said, "Sara, I want you to know before I die that we have some unpaid loans: my tailor owes me $200, and our butcher owes me $50, and Klein next door owes me $300."
His wife turned to the children and said, "What a wonderful man your father is. Even when he's dying he cares about and takes care of his family's needs."
The old man continued, "And, Sara, I want you to also know that I owe the landlord a hundred dollars."
To which his wife cried, "Oh dear, now he's getting delirious!"
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| Posted by Brian McMahon on 09-Aug-2005 | Ape EscapeeOne day an ape escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere, in every borough. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as the newspapers. But, no one reported seeing the ape.
At last, he was discovered in the New York Public Library. Officials of the zoo as well as the animal handlers were summoned to the library. They found the ape sitting at a desk in the reading room with two books spread out in front of him. The ape was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible; the other written by Darwin.
The zoo keepers asked the ape what he was doing. The ape replied, "I'm trying to figure out whether I am my brother's keeper or whether I am my keeper's brother."
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| Posted by Darnitol on 09-Aug-2005 | Airline PanicA plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH NO !
Silence.
Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
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