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| Posted by bob pope on 10-Aug-2005 | College FootballThe huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you
tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone
pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just
over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "If I can
swallow it, I can probably pass it."
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| Posted by Tim T. Tinnit on 10-Aug-2005 | Football playerStriker: "i've got a great idea of how to strengthen our team" Manager: "Great
when are you leaving???"
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| Posted by Sean Wicklund on 10-Aug-2005 | First Time SkydiverA man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for
what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane.
After a bit, he pulls the ripcord.
Nothing happens.
He tries again.
Still nothing.
He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord.
Nothing happens.
He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks
down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this
guy is going up!
Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of
his wits--yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"
The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"
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| Posted by pamela j. keele on 10-Aug-2005 | DinnerAnaheim Mighty Duck super star, Teemu Selanne, had never had his father see
him play professional hockey. He was thrilled to have his father visit him
recently to watch him play.
In honor of the occasion, his good friend, Mikkail Shtalenkov, arranged a
special banquet at the renowned local Scandinavian restaurant, Gustav Anders,
where noted chef, Anders Strandberg, prepared a gourmet dinner of the Selanne??™s
favorite Finnish dishes.
In addition to the entire Mighty Ducks team and staff, Disney and Orange
County dignitaries attended with the entire tab being picked up by the Duck
goalie. It was a huge success. The Orange County Register reported the next day
that it was certainly a dinner worthy of the father, the son and the goalie
host.
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| Posted by Jeff L. Aho on 10-Aug-2005 | Getting Into the OlympicsThree guys were trying to sneak into the Olympic Village to scoop souvenirs
and autographs. The first says, "Let's watch the registration table to see if
there's a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in."
Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Angus
MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput." He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the
registration attendant.
The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of
registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events,
meal tickets, and other information."
The first guy gets inspired and grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the
limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: "Chuck Wagon.
Canada. Javelin."
The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is your packet of registration
materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!"
The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover, walks up to the
registration table and states: "Dusty Rhodes. Australia. Discus."
The attendant says, "Terrific, Mr. Rhodes. Here is your packet of registration
materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself."
They scamper in, but suddenly realize the third guy is missing. They groan,
because he's a simpleton from the hills of Vermont. They forgot to make sure he
doesn't do something stupid and blow their cover stories.
Just then he walks proudly up to the table with a roll of barbed wire under
his arm and states: "Foster Bean. Hardwick, Vermont. Fencing."
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| Posted by Eddi J. Mur on 10-Aug-2005 | Dead DuckThree men go duck hunting one day. Two of them are inundated with stories from
the third about his "great" duck hunting abilities. After a few hours the first
two men have bagged a couple of ducks each, but the braggart hasn't taken a
shot. They question him on this, so he agrees to show his shooting abilities at
the next opportunity.
A few moments later, one lone duck comes flying by. As promised, the braggart
stands up and squeezes off one shot. The duck keeps flying!
"Gentlemen, you have just witnessed a miracle," says the braggart pointing at
the receding duck, "for there flies a dead duck."
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