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():crazy jokes (57): Computer problems? Follow these tips given |
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| Posted by BLitz on 11-Aug-2005 | Computer problems? Follow these tips givenIf someone says, "I can't get to a web page."
"Okay, what's the page you are trying to get to?
friend@yahoo.com? Hmmm... I think I see the problem."
"When you ask your operator to take you to www.ebay.com,
are you saying, 'Please?'"
"Did you delete and icon labelled 'The Internet' from your computer?
You did? Well, it will take years to restore the entire Internet; in the
meantime, the F.B.I. would like to have a word with you."
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| Posted by Lethia E. Edmondson on 08-Aug-2005 | fruit anybody??these two guys walk across a field but soon get stopped by the owner. the owner is mad cuz he doesnt like anybody walking in his field. anyway he tells the two men that unless they dont do what he tells them to he will shoot their heads off. so the owner lets them sleep in his barn for one day. late that night when they two men were sleeping the owner came and woke both of them up and told them to go out in the field and pick out any fruit or vegetable of their choice. so the two men obeyed and went. one of the men came back with a melon then the owner told him to bend over and shove it up his ass. the the man started laughing and the owner was asking why is he laughing at a moment like this then the guy said "because my friend out there is picking a watermelon"!
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| Posted by Choclette Sauce on 08-Aug-2005 | how do you?Q.how do you fit an elephant into a subway? A.take the s away from sub and the f away from way
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():crazy jokes (57): why did jesus stop.................. |
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| Posted by Patrick Gaspar on 08-Aug-2005 | why did jesus stop..................why did jesus stop playing HoCkEy???...........................................cuz he kept getting nalied to the BoArDsssss!!
(and for all you religous people i didnt mean to affend you)
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| Posted by T.J on 08-Aug-2005 | Daddy's jobA grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
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| Posted by Mahildabob Millicent on 11-Aug-2005 | First GraderA first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of
her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry
answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in
the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to
the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if
he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the
first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him
and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can
go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some
questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only
two of?
"Harry, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not
have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,
oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Bubblegum
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting
down and a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer.
Harry: Shake hands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions,
okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to
get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're
bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When
you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that
means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong
myself."
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