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| Posted by Courtney L. van Emmerik on 09-Aug-2005 | Constipated CarSign on an "old" car's bumper...
"This car is constipated, can't pass a thing!"
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| Posted by Ashy Ashy on 09-Aug-2005 | New Rolls-RoyceAn old man uses his life's savings to buy a Rolls-Royce.
The salesman explains how the old man has to start the car, warm the car, fill the car and handle the car.
Overwhelmed, the man drives off, and a mile down the road, the car stalls.
A truck pulls up, and a young man gets out to help. He checks under the hood for the old man.
"I found it," the young man eventually calls out. "Just crap in the carburetor."
The old man groans, "I have to do that too?"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Scott Anderson on 09-Aug-2005 | Car TroublesLisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa continued to try getting the car to start up again.
Finally Lisa gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."
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| Posted by Jenna M. Glickman on 14-Aug-2005 | 30 Things to Do in a Car1. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.
3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a
look of fear, lock your doors.
4. Two words: Chicken suit.
5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it
looks like blood, the better.
6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when
driving alone.
7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
8. Stop at the green lights.
9. Go at the red ones.
10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window
or sunroof. Feel free to make itdance.
11. Eat food that requires silverware.
12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
13. Sing without having the radio on.
14. Honk frequently without motivation.
15. Wave at people often. If they wave back,offer an angry look and an
obscene gesture.
16. Ask people for Grey Poupon.
17. Let pedestrians know who's boss.
18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
19. Restart your car at every stop light.
20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them,
stroking them lovingly.
21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out
the window.
22. While stopped at a light, piss out the window/sunroof onto other cars.
23. Paint your car with occult symbols.
24. Keep at least five cats in the car.
25. Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy sex.
26. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.
27. Stop and collect roadkill.
28. Stop and pray to roadkill.
29. Throw Spam.
30. Get in the fast lane and gradually...slow down...to a stop. Then get
out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.
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| Posted by Robert Letch on 14-Aug-2005 | Currency ExchangeAn Asian Guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen
and walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen and gets $66.
He asks the lady why he gets less money this week than last week. The lady
says: "Fluctuations." The Asian guy storms out, and just before slamming
the door, turns around and says: "Fuck you Americans too!"
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| Posted by Dreamer on 14-Aug-2005 | Bumper StickersJesus loves you.... Everyone else thinks you're an ass.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Hang up and drive!
GUYS, no shirt, no service, GALS, no shirt, no charge.
Heart attacks, God's revenge for eating his animal friends.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
Try not to let your mind wonder, Its too small to be out by
itself.
The proctologist called, the found your head.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any
film.
Some people just don't know how to drive, I call these people,
"EVERYBODY BUT ME!"
Don't like my driving, Then quit watching me.
Just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
Hows My Driving? 1-800-EAT-SHIT
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