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| Posted by missee d. on 09-Aug-2005 | ContagiousA teacher asks her class to use the word contagious.
Roland, the class swot, gets up and says, 'Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious.'
'Well done Roland,' says the teacher. 'Can anyone else try?'
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails says, 'My Gran says there's a bug going round and it's contagious.'
'Well done, Katie,' says the teacher. 'Anyone else?'
Little Johnny jumps up and says, 'Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a 4 cm brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious.'
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| Posted by Justin Andre on 09-Aug-2005 | Jonny get the goodsLittle Johnny was walking down the road one day and an old man was sitting on his front porch rocking back and forth in his rocking chair.
The old man said, 'Whatcha got there, son?'
Johnny said, 'Got me some chicken wire.'
'Whatcha gonna do with that chicken wire, son?' asked the old man.
'Gonna catch me some chickens,' said Johnny.
'You can't catch chickens with chicken wire,' said the oldster.
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and walked on down the street. About half an hour later, Johnny came back passing the old man's front porch with three chickens entangled in the chicken wire.
The old man was shocked and couldn't believe his eyes.
A little later Johnny passed the old man's porch.
'Whatcha got now, son?'
'Got me some duct tape.'
'And whatcha gonna do with that duct tape?' the old man asked.
'Gonna catch me some ducks.'
'You can't catch ducks with duct tape,' said the old man.
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking.
About half an hour later, back comes Johnny with three ducks tangled in the duct tape.
Again, the old man rubbed his eyes in disbelief.
Half an hour later, Johnny was again passing the old man's porch.
'Whatcha got now, son?' asked the old codger.
'Got me some pussy willow.'
The old man said, 'Wait right there while I get my shoes!'
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| Posted by RoCkEr BaBe on 09-Aug-2005 | $1000 instant lottoLittle Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms.
His dad said," Well, Johnny, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"
Johnny said, "No!!"
Johnny's dad said, "Well, there's your answer."
Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios.
His dad, again, said, "Can you touch your asshole with your dick?"
Johnny said,"No!!"
His dad said, "Well, there's your answer."
At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny's dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket.
Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!!
His dad said,"Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man?"
Johnny asked,"Dad, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"
Johnny's dad said,"As a matter of fact, I can!"
Johnny said,"GOOD, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!"
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| Posted by Fildog 007 on 09-Aug-2005 | Cow on heatLittle Jonny did not go to school one day. The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said "Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the Bull".
"How disgusting" said the teacher "I am sure your father could have done that"
"No ma'm, he couldn't have" said the little sod "It has to be the Bull".
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| Posted by Loverble Cats on 09-Aug-2005 | Stork brings babiesLittle Johnny: Mom, what kind of bird brings white babies?
Mother: Why, a stork, little Johnny.
Little Johnny: Mom, what kind of bird brings black babies? Mother: A raven, dear.
Little Johnny: Then what kind of bird brings no babies at all?
Mother: A swallow!
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| Posted by Tim Alive on 09-Aug-2005 | Sex edcuationAs sex education is being taught at a younger age these days little Johnny is in class one day when the teacher begins the days sex lesson. "Todays letter is the letter "p" and the word is "penis".
Little Johnny can hardly contain himself and blurts out, "I know what that is"! "I know! I know!!" " My daddy has two of them! "
"He has a little one he goes pee with...and a great big one he brushes the baby sitters teeth with!"
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