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| Posted by Esther Hodgson on 09-Aug-2005 | Cowboy in barThis big rough lookin cowboy walks into the bar. He orders up bottle after bottle of rottgutt liquor and proceeds to get really wasted...In the process he manages to anger just about everyone in the bar by being offensive and rude and being a big obnoxious fool...
Finally he finishes up his 5th bottle and decides he's had just about enough. He proceeds to get up and swagger out of the bar.
He gets outside to untie his horse from the post and he notices someone has painted his horses balls a real bright shade of yellow.
This pisses him off immensely so he proceeds to blow back into the bar, slamming the doors open and yelling out at the top of his lungs. "JUST WHO IN THE SAM-HELL PAINTED MY HORSES BALLS YELLOW!!!!"
After everyone in the bar rustles around a bit, a guy in the back of the bar stands up. This guy is HUGE, at least 6'10'' tall, pure muscle...
He says to the cowboy, "I did, so what do you got to say about it, boy!!!"
The cowboy looks back at this guy and says "Oh, I was going to let you know the first coat of paint is dry."
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| Posted by maddog on 09-Aug-2005 | 5 shotsOne day a guy walks in a bar and asks for five shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guy says, "I found out my brother is gay."
The same guy, comes in the next day and asks for ten shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guys says, "I found out my other brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes in and asks for fifteen shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guy says, "I found out my other brother is gay."
The bartender says, "Doesn't anyone like pussy anymore?"
The guy says, "Yeah, my sister."
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| Posted by Scott Richey on 09-Aug-2005 | Frog and rat in barA guy walks into a bar. He tells the bartender he has no money, but in exchange for a beer he'll show him a trick he'll never forget.
The bartender shakes his head but goes ahead and gives the man a beer.
The guy takes a rat out of one pocket and a frog out of another. The rat scurries over to the bar's piano and plays a tune. The frog belts out the song in perfect harmony with the rat's piano playing.
A few minutes later another man walks over and offers the customer $100 for the frog. He instantly accepts, and gives the other man the frog.
"Are you nuts?" the bartender asks. "That frog could be worth a fortune to you."
"Don't be so sure," the customer says. "The rat's a ventriloquist."
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| Posted by Katie on 09-Aug-2005 | Guy talks to barmanCustomer: (to bartender)
"My wife and I just got into a knock down, drag out fight!"
Bartender: What happened?
Customer: When it was all over, she came crawling to me on her hands and knees!
Bartender: Wow! What did she say?
Customer: She said, "come out from under that bed right now you coward or I'll kick your butt again!!"
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| Posted by angel phobia on 09-Aug-2005 | Gay guy in barThe bartender got tired of hearing these five drunks arguing about who had the biggest dick.
So he yelled out: "I am tired of this shit. Pull them out and put them up on the bar and I will tell you who has the biggest."
They were drunk enough that all five of them responded and placed their dick up on the bar.
At this time a homosexual walks in, and the bartender ask: "May I help you?"
To which he responds: "Well, I came in for a glass of wine and a sandwich but I think I will have the smorgasbord."
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| Posted by Jimmy Sampson on 09-Aug-2005 | Guy spits into glassThere's a guy in a bar, it's late, and the guy and the bartender are the only ones left in the bar.
The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, "If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me $50?"
The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, "ok, show me"
The guy then spits, and makes it in the glass, without getting any on the counter or the floor.
The bartender say, "That's amazing! You deserve the $50!"
The next day, about noon, the guy's in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if he could do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would be give him $100?
The bartender agrees, and the guy spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else. Than the evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks glass all over the bar. He than says to the guy, "if you can spit in all of these glass at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I'll give you $200"
The guy says, "Sure, but I need a little time to get ready"
So after a minute, the guy comes up, and procceds to spit everywhere at lightning speed. the bartender, seeing that the guy has missed every single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys than pays the bartender, and says, "I don't see what you're so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner $500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd be happy about it."
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