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| Posted by Brandon k. Orr on 09-Aug-2005 | Crash landingAn airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
Submitted by blueindiansquaw
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Michelle Robertson on 09-Aug-2005 | Wagon troubleA farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by dawn whispers on 09-Aug-2005 | MayonnaiseMost people don't know that, back in 1912, Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.
In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.
But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
WHAT?
You expected something educational from me....
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Nuttygryl on 09-Aug-2005 | Ticket please!What did the stewardess say to the flasher?
I asked you for your ticket, not your stub.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Choclette Sauce on 09-Aug-2005 | Bus stopIn a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Brad Smoley on 09-Aug-2005 | Aerial photosA photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire.
He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown.
Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!"
The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes."
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."
The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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